nias, indonesia

well, this may be my most personal post on my blog.. i know super well that this blog is no longer that private.. coz it can be easily googled out with any keywords.. or it's linked from some other friend's blog...

decided that it's time to say it out loud.. i'm gonna be away for 3.5 weeks from 23/05/05 to 15/06/05 to nias, indonesia.. yes, it's the place where tremors can still be felt and the earth is still shaking over there... didn't want it tell many people initially coz just wanna see how things will turn out as the time draws near..

i would say that this is a long overdued trip.. not to anywhere in particular but more about me going.. somehow some things will just pop by along the way and as always, i will not go at all.. but guess this time, i would say that i'm thinking less and just going..

i won't say that i'm going with much faith and much peace coz there are still many things that are holding me back... well, sally got it right.. there's more things holding me back than pushing me to go.. sean said that i'm worried.. but honestly, i don't feel worried.. more like there's just some excess baggages which i can't put down.. i just need a lot of peace from my Father...

honestly, i have been and still am questioning my motives for this trip.. like what the world am i trying to find/ explain/ discover?? is it for self-gratification?? coz everyone is trying to stick their finger into the 'relief-work' pie.. or am i there coz i really want to be there?? coz i really want to serve my Father?? coz i really want to work with kids and really wanna make that my long-term commitment, though i'm thinking of whether if i'm a blessing or an 'evil' to their spiritual growth?? you can say that i'm thinking less for this trip but just 'chionging' in and see what happens.. am i being really fair here?? am i being helpful here or just an extra that will just add to the burdens of others??

few months ago, i wanted to tell cheep that i'm taking this trip to explore around, esp in terms of the children ministry but before i could get that out of my mouth, he asked me this, "do you like kids? if you do, take it as you are coming here to just be with the kids and spend time with them and interacting with them.. show them that there's people who care..."

so now, here i am, trying to pack to be ready to leave on monday and realising that i've quite a bit of stuff to bring.. including a gis map and a warzone to pack on the floor..

to everyone who have fallen asleep, you can stop reading here... the rest of the post is for my own book-keeping purposes... shall go on a more personal level and list out my reasons..

1. by God's grace, i've been partially sponsored by papa-mama scholarship fund.. the rest has been settled by 2.5 weeks of work, which ain't that much but nonetheless, it covered the money required...

2. NUS results will be released on the 1st of june at 3pm.. well, i'm anxious to know my results coz it will determine a million and one things, including my state of mind and reaction at that point of time, which can go either way and be deemed hazardous.. but then again, internet's down over there.. so shall see how i can work ard it..

3. all the necessary arrangements to be made back home.. administrative stuff to be settled.. enough said..

4. in many ways, the reluctance to step out into the unknown, ie. beyond my comfort zone.. in many ways, i think i'm eventually a pampered kid with too much, so to go beyond my safety net, makes me unsure of many things.. i know the exact remedy for this: PRAY and ask for GRACE & STRENGTH.. not from me but the one who is greater than everything else..

5. at this point, i guess this is the biggest reason of all: my parents.. well, i have obtained their permission and the 'green light' has been given.. but i know where they are coming from.. firstly, last june, their little girl disappeared to the other of the world for a month, calling home only at least once a week.. but this time round, she will be gone for approximately a mth, to somewhere nearby but not that safe.. in the same way that they are worried about me, so i am about them.. lately my mum has not been feeling well and my dad will be going on a business trip to beijing soon, so mummy will be home alone..

PRAYER POINTERS:

1. please pray for journey mercy and safety in every aspect for everyone on the team when we are over in nias.. pray for good working relationships between ourselves and with the people over there.. pray that we will be a blessing to the people rather than a burden, esp me who knows nothing at all..

2. please pray for my family back home, my parents, my relatives, my friends.. i know that this is all about me, but i guess i need the reassurance in this aspect though.. pray for good health and safety in all aspects as well..

3. please pray that i will not be a 'leech' but rather will be able to contribute somehow.. and that i'll really work to open my mouth and try to pick up the language.. and for my health too and that i'll not be so picky in what i eat and be blessed with a strong stomach..

4. please pray that i'll pass all my papers and be able to do well.. and i really need that to happen..

well, that should be all.. take care and see ya all in 3.5 weeks time!!! God bless!! =)