*laughs*... what a start to the holidays.. caught this movie with cherie and szemin.. really glad that i saved this movie till the end of the exams, at least that gave me something to look forward to and of course, to hang out with the 2 girls!!! afterwhich was an outing to gelare for waffles & ice cream.. not that exciting but the company was brilliant.. and seriously, i felt like a mountain turtle leaving my home to walk along orchard road.. goodness, tangs looked so much better and prettier.. really love the layout of the store now.. throw in the decors, everything looks so wonderful.. well, if you still don't know, i go nuts over good decors.. oh man!! so pretty, gonna try and steal a shot of the decors some time soon... oh, that's my fav character in the corner: edna mode, the superheros' suits' designer!!!

You alone

You are the peace that guards my heart
My help in times of need
You are the hope that leads me on
And brings me to my knees
For there I find You waiting
And there I find release
So with all my heart I worship
And unto You I sing

For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we worship and adore You
Father we long to seek Your face
For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we love You
And we worship You this day

updating my tots...

so this is it... today marks the end of yet another semester... a semester that went passed too fast with too much happening.. actually not that much, rather it's that internal battle with school and many other issues...

i crashed and cracked but i did not burn.. i broke and surrender but there's no need for a white flag... i thought i needed the white flag but realised that i didn't... subtly, He was there to sustain me... He was there to carry me through.. though i reached for Him and could neither feel nor find Him, He was there and is still there... He is ever constant... when i've been unfaithful, He has been...

hmt hit home hard and cold... throw in the many unresolved and uncertain happenings, it totally got to me.. when the person i needed most was not around, He provided me with other friends and my family to sustain me physically, knowing well that i needed physical support..

and yes, i so needed yesterday's sermon.. it was really like the reply that God gave to me... the helplessness felt by king jehoshaphat.. an honest confession to his people that he had no confidence of the imminent war.. looking to the Lord for strength and help.. confessing the weakness of man, yet praising the Lord, giving thanks to Him... the land of judea went to war and the Lord was with them.. indeed, the battle is His.. similarly, even as david faced goliath, he said the exact same words, that the battle is the Lord's... and nope, i can still praise the Lord.. i can still sing!!!

as disastrous ess was, i was like telling myself that i cannot crack.. not anymore coz it's been enough and i have a bigger God taking care of it.. was talking to alfred on sat and we'll like saying, how much we need God in this whole exam, else many things would have fallen apart and we would have fall with them as well...

so that's it... as much as i wished that somehow things will be better and more predictable and within my controls, many a times, He has showed me that it is not... He knows but i don't... all He asks is for me to trust in Him and have that faith... oh, how little faith i have...

spent the rest of the day with xingyi, doreen and chaiyen... jianz could not join us coz of his wednesday's paper.. but chills, gonna try and plan something during the holidays... and once again, orchard road looked so different.. haven't visited it for more than a month... with the christmas lights, the christmas cheers.. more renovations done to the shopping malls... the moving of shops from one unit to another... hmm, everything seems so foreign... late lunch cum dinner at mos burger... the company reminded me of how cn6 first started out... we were an all-girls class... but there was reshuffling done to the class arrangment within the 1st two days of school... but no harm done, i love my class just the same... all those new friendships formed within and outside of class.. and the strengthening of existing bonds...

anyway, we went shopping.. xingyi was not contented with her spenditure though coz she did not manage to get all that she wanted... at esprit, i became the sample for the promoter to doodle the christmas collection of red earth on... had like purple and cream glittery eye shadows on me... pretty nice shade of colour but she applied them real thick... much more than i usually do... *shocking!!!!* we shopped all the way from wisma to heeren to esprit to cineleisure, where we had a 2nd dinner at pastamania... not that good a supper coz our over-food-conversation was about growing fat... xingyi's oven baked pasta had a cold centre so we had to request for them to reheat the pasta... and we were too full to move... finally had to move off to go home... and i was trying to trick xingyi into believing that the bus-stop was further down from youth park.. okay, i'm evil... *laughs*..

realised that when i'm alone.. i tend to swing into 2 states: either i'll think more and talk to God or i'll just go into a state of blankness... i need time off for myself.. i need to think through and work through stuff... since i can't get out of singapore, i have to find some way of taking time off from life.. get what i mean?? meanwhile, have to start working for another upcoming event, which i'm really excited about.. but need the inspiration to come along... =)

the serenity prayer...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

~ Reinhold Niebuhr

the warm feeling of peace..

argh!!! blogspot ate up my right column.. but ain't gonna do anything about it.. as long as the main content is still there... anyway, was so close to meeting paul today.. but he had to work.. managed to catch him from across the road though... we were like 2 idoits waving at each other... nevermind, shall meet up with him after the exams and before school starts for him...

anyway, ss is over and done with.. i just hope that i did fine for it.. i can't exactly describe how i felt after the paper... i was smiling silly to myself... meiyan and faith was like, she's gone mad... but i really felt so relieved... don't exactly think that it's because of how well i've done for the paper, coz everyone else wrote so much... i only managed a 1.5 page per question... really hope that i didn't write out of point though... but the wonders and power of prayer... it really calms and takes away everything else...

anyway, trying to do my particle tech helpsheet.. but it has loads of space in between, which is not exactly a good thing coz as what everyone else would do, we would cramp anything and everything into the 'cheat' sheet.. done only 3 chapters... the heavyweight ones are not done yet.. gonna try and work on it later...

o-levels are almost over... feeling a little relieved yet worried too.. long story on why... ain't gonna launch into it here... and soon, mine will be over too.. but before it is, have to brave the storms of another 4 papers... and all the heavy ones... the engin modules... and for some, have not even seen the light of them... *breathe*..

anyway, rena, meiyan and faith said that i have a warped sense of humour... the engineer-humour... right!!! rena was going on and on about the are-you-dumb website... which is really dumb.. coz i tried the website out of curiosity and it was really silly.. she was going on that only we crazy engineers will go visit such nonsensical websites and find fun in them... *begging to differ*... i don't!!! must be the exam craziness...

steph's back from down under... yahoo!!! but can only meet up with her after the exams are over... listening now to my tom-albrecht cd... though i don't understand a word of it but i really like it a lot... one of the first things that i bought when i got to freiburg!!! *put all the shoes down!!! don't you throw them at me*...

anyway, i don't have a tagboard yet.. so am gonna leave my replies here...

to ruhigeSeele: thanks loads for the encouragement.. hey, though i don't know anything but don't worry so much about friday's paper.. it's over and just leave it to Him to take care of it for you.. coz He will... and you know it too... just keep going on for the next few papers... do your part and leave it the rest to Him!!! cheer up!!! =)

to noey: thanks gal!!! 1 peter 5:7 reminds me of something that charmaine said to me a year ago during the exam period too but i can't remember what.. age is catching up already.. take care yah!!! miss ya loads here...

to [E]imaJ: to the other half of my wasserfrau business... thanks loads babe.. thanks for cheering me up and all.. you go study hard too.. kick some butts at applied chem man!!! don't think i can kick much butts on my side.. but gonna kick whatever i can too!!! after exams man!!!

"'never will i leave you, never will i forsake you.' so we say with confidence, 'the Lord is my helper; i will not be afraid. what can man do to me?'"
Hebrews 13: 5b-6

misfits...

i feel so tired... for the very first time, in a very long time... i feel like crying... and for the very wrong reasons too.. this is dumb, once again, i'm not making much sense here again... for the very first time, especially when i'm supposed to but somehow it's not happening... i'm finally feeling the heat of the exams... and yes, i'm not done studying for my ss which is tested this very friday... will someone come and congratulate me please?? oh yes, throw in a trophy too.. coz i deserve it too!!! right, half a point for effort.. maybe my friend's right, when the exams are just a couple of days away, the stress will come on full-force...

what a day... spent the whole morning and afternoon trying to understand what the world is fugacity about... and yes, i'm still struggling with that irritating fella and his best friend, activity coefficient.. to complicate matters, they brought another friend along, whose name is equilibrium constant and all those extended family relations of his too... not to mention that i've neglected Carnot and his best friend, Rankine...

tried to read something that has been left untouched since sec. 4, and boy, that was a challenge man!!!! geography!!! spannend!!! right... another half a point for effort... so much to study and so little time left... and what a brilliant way of utilising my time, i'm here blogging away... goodness, someone please shoot me in the head!!!

picked this up from meine wasserfrau's blog, ...and remember that you're made BY Him, FROM Him, and FOR Him... i want to feel encourage by it, that through it all, He is seeing me through but somehow i can't... i feel like there's some minor battle breaking out inside, which can't seem to seek peace.. trying to drown it by blasting music from my md.. but after a concentrated span of 20 minutes, i'll pause, look around and get distracted all over again... sheesh.. mind of one confused person man!!!

i must say this.. thanks to you who tried to keep me awake and for telling me those really lame yet intelligient jokes... but my brain's in a state of malfunction so can't answer your questions.. but thanks!!! oh yah, due to the high possibilities of sars breaking out all over again, i can't go hongkong or china for holidays!!! sheesh... sigh!!!

confessions of a mugger-wannabe..

well.. the title said it all.. i'm a mugger-wannabe... can't get there coz i'm just not hardworking enough... minus the already-not-smart factor, it's almost equivalent to nothing left.. what a pity!!! schade!!! big plans to bring up my cap.. somewhat too distant.. learning to make do with what i have and just work on it.. sigh... i still want to become a mugger, then maybe my grades won't be that crap...

anyway, today's deepavali... having public holidays in the midst of the study break is equivalent to no break at all.. kendrick's equation: public holiday = no mugging... i totally agree with that!!! slept the whole day away.. woke up for dinner and watched singapore idol.. right!!! the right programme to watch.. and then some dumb local serial.. see, that's how i wasted my time.. like my 'girlfriend' said, when it's the exams, everything and anything that has nothing to do with studying, suddenly seems really interesting... another statement which i agree with...

oh yes, adeline was really interesting today.. she told me to entertain her.. right, it should be the other way round, coz that's what i tell people... traits that we discovered during rag.. must have picked it up from jerry, seeing him entertain himself... but nope, i'm not going to entertain myself.. that sounds so retarded...

the above paragraph was a deviation... anyway, it's funny how i don't feel any bits of stress at all.. the whole central library is flooded with people... everyone is mugging their guts out.. or just staying home to study till wee hours... people who are normally online, are suddenly gone... i'm weird... i just float all the way... since semester 1.. this is no good man.. and not to mention that i've not complete all my tutorials either.. all the backlogged and all...

sep is not giving me a good time either.. module matching is terrible... been taking advices from april but the problem is that she did not go to deutschland.. she went to uk for exchange instead.. which will be my 2nd choice of location.. coz noelle's there, nitya's there.. can go visit them.. and there's lesser problems involved too... and from there, touring ard europe will be pretty easy too.. but nothing beats deutschland since it is situated in the middle of central europe... and karlsuhe is like the place man!!! next to the border of france and a 2-hour train ride to switzerland... Lord, if you will, please let me get karlsruhe... even though there's so much problems involved...

maybe i should start studying.. someone plant the seed of urgency in me please!!! where is the stress man!!!

the eagle..

this is the gist of pastor nick's sermon last sunday.. talking about my favourite creature of the animal kingdom... most of you would know why too... unfortunately, i missed the bulk of the sermon coz of children's hour, which i think i'm quite bad at... can't believe that i actually came up with some stuff last minute to help the kids remember what was taught... if they still remember though...

anyway, this came really timely.. just when i needed renewal after falling into a pit... thanks to aunty jean for this timely reminder.. anyway, here goes...

1. Eagles only take fresh meat and not dead animals. Similarly, we are never greater than our intake of God's Word (meat). Focus on God... Jesus said the scriptures point to Him.

2. When the storms come, it mounts up and flies instead of hiding like other birds. It challenges the storm. What it does is, it focuses on the sun and flies toward the sun through the storm. When it gets pass the clouds, it lets the sun dries its feathers. When we are in a storm, stay focused on Jesus.

3. There is one bird bigger than the eagle - it's the Candor (or Turkey Buzzard). An Eagle's wingspan is 7.5 feet but the Candor is 10 feet. The Eagle weighs about 10 pounds but the Candor is about 20 pounds. So when the Candor goes after the eagle, it again focuses its eyes on the sun and flies toward it. (The Eagle is the only bird whose eyes can look at the sun but the Candor cannot). At some point, the Candor will give up the chase because it cannot stand looking toward the sun. When the enemy harasses you, run to the Lord, not people.

4. The Eagle is able to renew its strength. When it is worn out, Mrs Eagle may go catch a fresh rabbit for Mr Eagle and plonk it in front of him. He has to make a decision.. to eat what others has caught or to go and renew himself. He chooses to renew his feathers and the worn-out beak and claws by flying for 36 hours to a high point. There it plucks off his own feathers, smashes his own beak and claws and waits 40 days for renewed feathers and claws and beak to grow. That's where you get the verse Isaiah 40:31. Wait is an active waiting in expectancy.

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:31

okay... didn't exactly want to go for it coz i'm having german vocab test tomorrow.. but i did... and it was worth the time... even for just one act.. chromoZone... in the nutshell, it kept me from falling asleep coz i was pretty tired... yup, the lead guitarist actually played for fic this year.. rick smith!!! but he's cool.. and throw in the cool music and company, it totally made everything worthwhile... pity that min can't join us.. but chills, there will be more to come.. oh yes, the opening act actually reminded me of that concert that took place in staufen, but i didn't go for it coz i was at konstanz... just that it brought back familiar feelings... make sense?? and yes, cherie and me are going to occupy one of those seats at one of the restaurants... when we have the money to do so...

the void-deckers..

well, that's what we were... and that's like how we all came together... some from council, some from the days of ogls.. from playing captain's ball before a-levels... and yes, most importantly, studying together in the void-deck.. playing boggle and having those dinners, courtesy of the parents...

really miss all of them.. the last time i saw them was before i flew off to germany in june.. which is a really long time... miss hearing the guys complain their guts out about national service.. and guess what?? in less than 5 months, they will be ord-ing... super interesting man!!! in a way, i thank God for nus.. at least i still get to see szemin and cherie around.. which really helps maintain sanity amongst the frenzy and all..

and so today, we ended up at koksoon's place for home-made pizza, slacking, playstation and finally, mighty ducks... well, it's a really old movie but it's the company man!!! coming together to just do something together and just slack it out... and they had a really good time banging me about germans and all... yes yes... maybe i've really gone crazy with germany!!! and yes, that stupid but interesting bet we made.. *laughs*...

spent some time catching up with people... not all but at least, managed to catch up on the lives of some of them... been a really long, yet fast 6 months... and so much has happened.. but i thank God for this little gathering... gathering around koksoon's small kitchen table, stealing bits of stuff that were supposed to go on the pizza and just taking rubbish... oh yah, edmund got a new car!!! crap, i still can't drive...

but anyway, i miss having them around.. and next year, they will all be in uni.. just that we will all be at different places.. here, there, everywhere... *reminds me of that beatles's song*... oh wells.. till then, but then again, it will be pretty easy to meet up too... okay, see ya all tomorrow!!! =)

okay.. here are some of the guys at work... rhys was cooking for us but unfortunately, he could not join us for the results of the session... oh yah, it's better that i didn't cook else i would have spoiled everything!!! *laughs*

tired... müde...

i can't believe this... for once, i'm blogging from school... why am i in school at this hour?? coz i'm trying to study for my german test tomorrow... and it's really getting to my head... goodness!!! immer viele stress von Deutsch!!! and now, even better, i don't even know what to study anymore... and i know that once i'm home, i won't study for it anymore... so better get it done in school.. but... sigh!!!

and realised of how much i really don't know of things.. there's so much... too much for my system to withstand.. ich hat gesagt, dass das system sehr ungesund ist!!! sehr gefährlich, weil es explodieren wird!!! oh nein, es ist nicht gut!!! es kann nicht passieren... ich weiß nicht nichts mehr!!! ich will frieden... ich suche für ihn... wo ist er??? ich bin müde.. ich möchte eine pause...

okay... ranted enough... better stop ranting, before i start pouring my guts out here... at least not for today.. must at least survive through tomorrow's test and the rest of the week.. so much running through my head.. like i said before, too much for this little brain of mine to comprehend and to deal with... but i will, slowly.. and with His help... else there's no way i can survive through it... i need to talk to Him..

gonna head back to german, else there's no way i can finish it all... hicks.. so much more to do and so little time and energy left.. quoting my good friend, why is nus never-ending???

man and woman..

can't sleep... more or less along that line... or maybe it's just the effect of the internet... i can never sleep after logging offline till a little while later, unless i am really really tired.. anyway, my system is facing a phase of unsteady state.. not a really healthy state to be in though... can literally feel the content threatening to spill out any time... either as part of the underflow or the overflow... sheesh, better do something to curb it man..

just a tot... something that i've wanted to blog for a really long time but never did.. coz somehow the words and the content don't exactly come along..

one of my friend once mentioned on how women are always the evil ones... we are the ones that give the call for a break-up... we are the ones that will go around 'testing water' before making up our minds... well, take it in the literal sense.. and so on... blah blah blah...

well, not that it's not completely false.. it's not exactly right either... women are the ones that cry their hearts out when a break-up occurs... they are the ones that will defend their husbands even when sos comes knocking on the door with a charge of domestic abuse... how they will insist that nothing of this sort is happening, even when it is obvious to the rest of the world...

always remembered this conversation i overheard accidentally at raffles hall many years ago... how this girl was crying in her room, talking on the phone with her boyfriend, pleading with him to not break up with her... and on the other hand, there are guys out there who are awfully sweet and wonderful to their girlfriends... though many say that this sweetness won't last long but have seen enough to refute this statement to a certain extent...

so are women evil?? i still can't find an answer to this question but i know that...
"your beauty should not come from outward adornment... instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight... husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.."
1 Peter 3:3,5,7