looking back at 2004

can't believe the year just flew past like that.. come to think about it, it's been 10 years since my parents first drove up to different parts of malaysia... KL, penang, pangkor island, melaka... from the time when i can still fit comfortably in the backseat till now being a little too big... and this time round, i did what i do best again.. eat, sleep, shop.. oh man, i really love the food, i can eat it all day round, esp. from that coffee shop near the hotel... and yes, i discovered that the secret receipe cakes at jalan bintang taste so much better than those in singapore!!! oh man!!! had kiwi paradise and mango delight!!! oh man!!! schmeckt gut!! my parents were pretty surprised that i could eat so much!!! and i really mean a lot...

anyway, that's not the point of this post.. it's time to sit down and start thinking about this year.. how it has been and all... the highs and lows..

- happy moments...
1. went to Deutschland and back.. loves the place and still love the place.. love the people, the food, the landscape.. the feeling of running through the streets at 1130pm though it's cold.. the feeling of walking alone along the streets at night or in the park, with the sun shinning on your back.. guess it's just the feeling of leaving everything behind and running free...
2. lost some friends but made new ones as well...
3. shopping.. watched all the movies i can during the holidays..
4. hanging out with my girlfriends... catching up with the guys, making sure that they are still alive and kicking..
5. my cell people kinda opened up more, which is really good.. coz we grew up with each other, yet we don't exactly know much about each other..
6. learnt more about some people, though we practically seen each other through childhood and teenage blues.. and supporting each other..
7. rag comm, esp all the memories, sweat and friendships.. and definitely: the non-stop laughter!!! fic was cool... got the chance to do orientation again, but not as a freshman... nothing beats being a freshman... when you get all the fun, sun, sand and sea..
8. decorations.. jawohl!!! sally's wedding and the christmas party too!! sehr spannend!!!
9. cap made a little improvement though it's supposedly to be still quite in the pits..
10. sep planning..
11. talked more with some of my cn6 classmates, esp the scholars, though half the time, i was bugging them with questions on like 'why like this and not like that??' and 'you mean like that can be done??'.. yeah.. but i learnt a little about them.. that they are human after all.. and not as high and mighty as we think they are.. anxieties and all.. just wanna thank God for the opportunity to be able to do so...
12. seeing the kids running around, making so much noise.. and me, an old folk, trying to match up to their level of energy...

- not-so-happy moments..
1. got my first big zero in a test, which eventually affected my grades.. turned my life topsy tursy then.. but He was and still is my Lord my God.. that was the message that kept coming to me during that period..
2. it took me a year to realise what He was trying to tell me though it was so obvious.. but me, being that stubborn, refused to hear and see what He has for me and chose to do things my own way.. took quite a bit before i finally realised the need to surrender and let go.. think in the new year to come, this will still be a struggle of mine.. and think i'll still choose to take the hard way but i'm gonna try and learn to let Him take over instead..
3. was thinking about the ministries that i'm serving in.. and i'm wondering how much am i doing.. am i blessing others or am i sapping out of others instead?? i really need an answer on this and i'm really confused... sometimes, i feel like i'm being blessed more than i am blessing others.. but that's not how it should be.. or is it??
4. learnt that i'm not so patient after all...
5. the coming of age.. less than a year to the big 21..
6. learnt that when some doors are closed, they should remain closed.. attempts should not be made to open them again.. coz they kinda opened the floodgates of memories as well and bring along a jumble of emotions in the process..
7. my walk with Him is still not good... and worse of all, i'm still procrastinating.. i really want a closer walk with Him..
8. more than often not, i focus on the downside rather than the upside, even though there is obviously more ups than downs.. but i'm just do overwhelmed by the downs, that i'm blinded to everything else..

and definitely more.. but i just can't remember them.. sometimes, no matter how crap everything has been, there's always stuff to thank Him for.. and in the end, He has still bless me in many ways, whether i see them or not...

"count your blessings, name them one by one, and you’ll realized what the Lord has done... count your blessings, name them one by one, and you’ll be surprised with what the Lord has done..."