surprises, emotions, huh??

it's been a while since everything goes in all direction.. well, even if that has always been the case, maybe i'm just a little too disillusioned to bother about it..

hmm.. didn't get to watch 'charlie and the chocolate factory'.. but watched 'wedding crashers' instead.. silly humour with really colourful language and images.. nc16 seems a little too inappropriate.. should just make it m18, then that may remove those sec. sch kids from the theatre... hmm.. speaking of movies, this is my first movie even since 'star wars episode 3'.. candice was like, where have you been hiding man.. yeah.. 'mr and mrs smith' did not come about and with the death of my old harddisk, i lost the movie as well.. i just want back 'ever after' and 'dead poets' society'.. humph!!

and they remembered.. they remembered my birthday and time even made me card, which resembled too much like that of a christmas card but who cares?? it's enough to send me over the moon and onto cloud 9.. letters are enough to make me more than happy.. but i know, i know about the expectation but only to be disappointed.. i'll gonna make this my last present till next year and it has to be done.. hmm, if you don't understand, just leave me to my own musings yeah?? *laughs*..

'when i'm alone, i start thinking.. but it often leads to a state of blank..'

short post

went for cell after a really long time and man, i really miss cell.. and to think that i'm be gone soon.. so will really be missing cell for a really long time.. in the words of hoongwei, it's rare sight to see you at cell man!!!

thought a little last night while doing file transfer.. spent the earlier part of the evening paying min a visit.. haven't seen that gal in ages and just when i get to see her, she's flying off tomorrow morning to canada for sep.. goodness gracious.. didn't even know that she dyed her hair and all that's happening in her life.. so much for being a girlfriend.. what a lousy girlfriend i've been to loads of people.. man, and to think that i've only that much of time to make up to people..

oh gosh, it's all because of age.. makes one think too much and reflect too much about life.. goodness!!! i sound like i'm hitting 60 tomorrow..

back to school..

today's the first back i'm back in school.. and i'm like some little primary 1 kid, who's so excited about school and i really am.. i literally bounced from place to place and everyone was wondering, how is it possible that i have such energy within me...

attended CN4208 lecture and boy, i really love the lectures.. coming in a close second position behind german lectures.. CN3125 tutorial was a torture.. first, the tutorial questions don't even look like tutorial questions!! and quote, unquote: it's a waste of your life!!! ended up scheming with jane on how to get out of class, coming up with all sorts of excuses but eventually, i did not pull it off coz i wanted to live out my 'be-a-good-girl' aspiration!! *laughs*.. and then, i was such a good girl, i actually went for CN3421 lecture BUT after i saw peijia, it was a different story... both of us skipped lecture and ended up at macs for food!! met guangpeng, cheewee in lecture and was talking to them.. man, i miss those days of studying with them in the library and bugging them over all sorts of engineering questions.. yeah, i'll be back to disturb you all soon!!! but linchun went back to pgp to sleep after lab while the rest were still stuck in lab doing expt.. hicks..

spent some time catching up with peijia and i'm really happy for her.. hehehe.. don't tell you all what though.. hahahah!!! and to all my friends whom i was supposed to pop by and say 'hallo' to, i'm so sorry.. coz i had a prior appt with some of my german classmates.. and guess what did we do?? we were watching german film - der untergang.. a movie, which i was dying to catch after returning home from nias but sadly, i didn't manage to do that till this evening.. great movie with great plot but the content was too heavy!! man, i was like, break/ half-time please!!! but minghui, leeying, yingchao, zoe, khim nyang, junfu & me braved through about 2.5 hours worth of german movie... i concluded that germans make either art films with meaning too deep to comprehend or history films with content too heavy or comedies or drama-type movies with all sorts of content... but yeah, that's one of the features of the land which i'm gonna spend 5 months at..

counting down to the day when i fly off?? actually i have no idea..

trying to remember..

kinda forgot how it feels to be a student.. hmm, can't exactly believe that i was at work till late today.. somehow i need to not allow work to take over my life but at this moment, can't see myself acheiving that.. oh sheesh!! how the world will i survive sep...

all my big plans on studying today totally went into the drain.. but i was back in school late in the afternoon coz i fell asleep on the bus.. but bus 10 brought me to kent ridge bus terminal so i ain't that far from home as well but was too lazy to go back so waited for my parents to pick me up for dinner..

it kinda felt good to bum around in school, though a little bit crazy to do that on a saturday.. but as much as i don't wanna admit it, i'll miss everything here.. all the bits and pieces of memories and fun.. craziness mixed with sanity.. all the hours of mugging and stoning around late into the night.. think i'll go back and do guest appearance during classes!! *laughs*..

just caught the ending of 'drive me crazy', which i watched many years ago with lixian.. suddenly missing her too... it's been a long long while and i haven't told her about my departure.. one of the many people who occasionally appear in my mind.. yeah, and another friend was talking about homemade potato chips.. just reminded me of ibu saya, pak long, nenek, abang taku and abang franky.. feasting on keropok that came from surabaya.. all those overheating of oil, which resulted in burnt keropok.. and of course, eating too much till we all fell sick.. hmm.. muz be the turning-21 syndrome.. whereby one looks back in life and goes, 'HMM...'

not gonna stay online too long coz there's much to be done and just had a little scare by my notebook.. man, i better start coming up with a 'to-do' list for myself.. meanwhile, conserve energy..

the passing of yet another week

and yes, another week is over.. and soon i'll be gone as well.. too many people are flying away.. first up was jason and then soon will be minz.. and then justin will be off too.. followed by the whole uk gang of people.. and somewhere along the way will be the us people.. and finally me.. feeling a little weird but whatever.. shall wait and see..

missed cell for the 5th time.. overtime, birthdays, fatigue.. He gave me a choice and i made it and shall live with it.. but i hope to be able to revert it next it.. missing everyone at cell..

oh anyways, the sunday that just passed was SEEKER'S SERVICE.. and the dance went well.. at least that's what i thought about it.. florence was saying that people said that the 4 of us were actually enjoying ourselves up there dancing, which is a good thing.. i mean, the song was chosen for a reason and whatever we are doing is to praise Him so i don't exactly wanna be bothered with what others say.. plus, minus all the pressure and stress, we will relax more too!!

and there was the gameshow too.. a life of illusions and expectations.. only to learn that disappointments are a big part of it too.. more often than not, only some people will leave the show being happy while the rest walk away, disappointed and hurt.. in times like these, how will you react? great message from rev norman wong, though don't exactly see the relevance of it all yet.. but what hit home was, i have loved you ever since you were in your mother's womb.. and i have already prepared a place for you.. how can He love me so much?? especially when He is perfect and i'm far from it.. but it's true, He loves me that much to give me one thing that i don't deserve at all.. it's all about grace..

lately been a more than horrible friend to many people... it's as good as work is taking over my life and whatever else don't seem to be happening.. loads of things which i wanna say but at the same time, i just don't want to say it.. maybe it's just me.. oh wells..

hmm, lately everyone's been seeing less of me online coz i was glued to the black box watching soapy korean drama serials - stairway to heaven.. and the whole office knows that i'm watching this serial!! now it's anthony's turn.. but i wanna buy the soundtrack really badly.. oh wells..



well, rest be assured, i'm back to roam cyberspace now coz i'm done watching it, after consecutive days of late nights.. but guess what? daddy just told me that my old desktop is completely kaputt!! so there goes all my music and movies, esp dead poets' society.. a movie with loads of stories & memories behind it.. and definitely all the school work, especially lab reports.. something which i've slogged hours and nights for.. goodness!! all gone!! now gotta go around bugging people to send me stuff..

too much to blog about!!!

goodness gracious!!! long long long weekend.. meaning the activities that took places starting from friday night to saturaday night...

went down to jasline's 21st party with kaiwei, huiling & daniel on friday evening.. man, great time of catching up and learnt about all kaiwei's plans of eating lunch at *ahem* certain canteens in ntu.. gonna play matchmaker for daniel.. success rate is still not known but have patience.. will upload photos of jasline's birthday soon.. let me get around knowing my notebook first yah?? anyway, here's those of us who went from secondary school..

here's the birthday girl with her birthday cake.. and the next photo is actually of the 5 of us!!! her birthday theme was bodyart.. but the 4 of us without any bodyart.. thank God no turtles were drawn on us too!! give us some credit k?? we even tried looking for some nice ones but they were just too cannot-make-it.. anyway, some friendships just happen and they go a long way to come as well...

woke up at the unearthly hour of 0730.. not that unearthly but unearthly for a saturday morning!!! went all the way to changi airport to pass joshua & amelia: pastor michael's samba chilli from surabaya and this medication for the patients in sifalate hulu.. and when pastor nick saw me, he thought that i was going to nias again.. well, i really wish to but not at least for the next one year to come.. and i'm feeling guilty..

then went back to school to meet shanli for co-op shopping session.. goodness, so many people were back for make-up lectures, seminars and whatever else there is.. goodness gracious, the best part was that shanli actually was in nias too.. and he was that close to staying at tomorrow's hope!!! goodness!!! hmm.. many thoughts zooming through my brain but don't know how to put them down here.. let me organise my brain first..

the most blur thing i did today?? it was to take bus 95 thinking that it was 96.. and great, i was late for dance practice.. hmm, another loads to talk about but too exhausted to explain everything here..

hopeless romantics...

hopeless: wishing in the light that something good and nice will happen but unfortunately, it does not happen..

romantic: one with unrealistic dreams and too idealistic..


'looking for love in all the wrong places, just to find someone who can erase that hurt..' guess at many points of our lives, we fall into that catagory occassionally... well, i do and i know it myself.. for all you know, this service may be more relevant for me then for other people.. but come and hear what this service has installed for you..

here's the details:
where?? lutheran church of our redeemer
located at?? at the junction of duke's road and lutheran road
when?? this sunday 14/08/05
time?? 11am

'broken hearts, broken lives... He will take them all..'

what a day for national day..

today's singapore's 40th birthday.. hmm, 19 more years before i hit that age as well.. but i ain't gonna blog about national day but rather the happenings today instead..

overslept and woke up at almost 9am.. went down late for music ministry retreat at changi village area.. erm, before i go on, let me explain things here.. i'm not serving in music ministry.. well, i did some years ago for a short period of time but just felt that, that may not be where He wanted me to be.. but i actually went down to meet wangping, qihui, florence & timothy for dance practice, which didn't take place till about 12nn, thus i was late for my next appointment..

but i sat through the sharing of the music ministry people and guessed, maybe that's what He wanted me to do too.. if there were any outstanding themes, they had to be about 'being still before Him' and 'to seek Him in everything'... and of which, both which i have not done for a very long time to come and maybe been goodness knows how long.. it just felt so painful and so empty, that it actually hurts.. hmm, i don't exactly know how to say it here.. i just need my solitude time again.. really, desperately.. away from the computer, television, mp3 & music.. just Him and me alone.. and had a short but great time of praise and worship too.. followed by dance practice..

oh wells, and definitely am late for my next appointment at holland village.. guess who i met?? met up with devin, shirleen & uncle bernard!!! nenek couldn't make it but later we learnt that she actually went home before going out again.. missed her just like that.. it was so great meeting up and talking like those days back in nias.. exposing each other's 'dirty trade secrets and habits'... *laughs*... i really miss those days and it seemed so long ago.. almost coming to 2 months since we came back from nias.. lunch was katong laksa... think wilbe pan was actually in singapore and was eating at the exact same stall as us.. coz there were like 2 van-load of fans tailing behind him.. shirleen was more interested in taking photos of the fans' facial expressions than wilbe pan himself..

this was followed by 4 muddy mud pies from coffee club.. well, uncle bernard could not resist temptation.. and all of us just felt so bloated after we were done.. but i finished my mud pie!!! woohoo!! uncle bernard made a call to debbie, who's in china.. and the 3 of us were just waiting for that priceless smile on his face but hicks, didn't get to see it this time.. and he told debbie that he was stuck with 3 noisy kids... goodness!!! afterwhich, devin, shirleen & me actually just stood outside cold storage and talked for almost 2 hours.. goodness gracious!!

met up with some of my german class people for dinner.. and as usual, i'm late but i didn't eat coz was still bloated from the muddy mud pie.. but i was eating off desserts at cafe cartel and weiyao's & khim nyang's fries.. stole views of the fireworks at the esplanade and padang from our window seats.. and goodness gracious, the crowd was horrible!!! it literally came to a standstill and there were people everywhere... argh!!! help help!!! the queue to the city hall mrt station was endless.. it finally cleared approximately an hour after ndp ended.. yup yupz, auf wiedersehen folks.. till i next see you all in school!! =)

on a sidenote: i better start on my letters else they will never be done by thursday!! goodness gracious.. and just heard the promotion ad on tv for snow.wolf. lake.. ARGH!!!

rag day 05/ doreen's 21st birthday..

this entry has been lost twice!! and posted one day late.. but oh wells, finally had a break from my 12-day straight working period.. financial period is almost over and after that i'm gonna take a break and go back to school.. oh wells, looking forward to that day.. but saturday was so packed, i was whizzing from place to place.. goodness!!! running low on reserve energy..

rag day 05

woke up at an unearthly hour of 0710 and was out of the house by 0745.. but missed prejudging still coz i was late.. but guessed what?? i saw all those whom i missed loads!!! there's luyee, huiying, siosen, tammi, simin, faith, jerry.. goodness!!

guessed that many of us went back to rag was for many reasons.. to meet up with friends who have graduated but have returned to help out with rag.. to help out with rag for many reasons.. but oh wells.. it just felt so different to be returning seniors and to be the organising comm... coz returning seniors do not have to endure through those sleepless nights.. all the crap and stress from the crowd, the admin and whatever else.. well, the rag and flag treasurer, huiching, finally understood what i meant by 'all the crap' just before the announcement of the results.. but anyways, great job done gal!! now, pass the baton on!!

being part of the 'score table', there were much emotions there.. just ask fayeth, she can tell you why... but oh wells.. and because of that, some stuff will become politically incorrect but i shall not go into it yah?? hmm.. if there's anything i wanna bitch about, it's the way manpower was utilised.. some folks were practically overworked while some were more than underworked.. hanging around and just.. hang around.. and goodness gracious, if you are helping out in the vvip area, please be properly attired!! *faints*..

the irony of it all was how i promised not to return to help out with rag.. and guess what?? i did, together with much of my rag comm 04.. oh man, i love those folks so much.. just to think that a year ago, we were the one running through sleepless nights, sandmodelling at 3am on the track, making stupid cheers for each other, picking confetti on the grass till we fell asleep on the red carpet that nathan walked on... and now, we are the returning seniors, helping out but feeling a little disgusted at what we saw as well.. and for once, our 'projector director', mr kelvin tang could sit comfortably in his chair throughout the whole event, without having to jump up at any one point of time... yeah, cheerios to rag comm 04!! and this year, majority of us brought our cameras to make up for all the lost photos from last year.. those of you with photos, please upload yah!!! unfortunately, i was unable to join them for a free lunch session at the new uni hall coz had to rush off to church.. salt & huiying defied all traffic rules to send me off.. gonna miss you all loads but chills, i'll be back in nus to disturb you all.. and for huiying, we'll be doing lunch at raffles place yah??

much to say but not sure how to phrase it well.. but for the very first time, i actually felt sad when guys cry.. i was really upset when i saw vader cried.. there's much i wanna say to him but i dunno how to say it and i can't as well.. but dude, you guys really did really really well.. it was really one of the better ones already.. hmm.. shall drop ya a note before i fly off coz i really have no idea what to say here.. be a changed man and come to class yah?? shall see you in school!!!

to da man: my friend and me felt that you all have acheived what you all have set out for.. it's disappointing but like you said, winning will be a bonus... and really, you guys did really well.. catch ya soon and cheer up yah?? =P

doreen's 21st birthday

gave angeline's a miss coz all my events of the day just overlapped each other totally.. was late for doreen's one and went with an aching waist and hurting toes.. boohoo!!! peijia went with bruises from cheerleading practices but the performance at rag was good.. well done gal!!!

had a great time catching up with my classmates, especially since i'm not going back to school.. as much as i don't wanna admit but i realised that, i really do miss my class.. nagging at them and being the greatest loadshark around.. think i was too tired so was really talking rubbish and being really lame.. xingyi called that PES: pre-exchange syndrome... right!! oh yes, finally saw jianz, who came like closed to 10pm, right after doreen has cut her cake.. peijia did a calculation of my intended guest list and all she could do was, SIGH!!! it's just too long.. humph!! doreen was like, you must have a party, so we can have your mum's curry chicken again!! right... here's a shot of the birthday girl and her really pretty cake!!! happy 21st birthday!!! =)


on a sidenote: i went down to queensway shopping centre this evening.. the crowd totally turned me off.. loads of things i wanna buy but pretty much deemed as 'unnecessary and not required'... plus money has been flowing out like water.. so quite stuck.. hmm, shall go think of its relevance before forking the money out..

meaningless!! meaningless!!

perhaps i'm really chasing after the wind.. clinging on to what that is not even there at all... if anything, please show me something.. i'm starting lose any hope that i may even have.. then again, it may have just be my own illusion all this while and now the fog is clearing and everything is coming into the light.. i can't even hide..

yet another day.. week gone by..

still using my dad's notebook though i have just placed orders for my own.. went back to school on thursday to go buy my notebook at matric fair... got daniel to 'smuggle' me into the fair, made a heck load of noise to convince the ibm sales person to allow me to purchase the notebook... goodness!!! i just feel so much poorer now.. and the best part, i was that close in purchasing an ibook but... oh wells...

went down to nussu sec and met up with the present rag and flag comm treasurer... hmm, much memories returned and was trying to retrace my method of calculating last year's financial statements... gonna go back to school next thursday to help out with the calculation of the statements and on saturday for score tabulation.. lookng forward to meet the rest of my rag comm.. erm, whoever that will be going down but kel & luyee will be there!! can't wait..

gave cell a miss for 2 weeks in a row coz of work.. there's just so much.. still trying to get used to it and trying to work as fast as possible coz of datelines and all.. but yesterday evening, i ended up at lau pa sat and eventually brewerkz with liwei and weiyao after ot!!! haven't seen these guys since may.. goodness!! and meanwhile, liwei has jetsetted to down under and now, in thailand.. HUMPH!!! weiyao is stuck in the lab doing his urops research.. stressed man!!! anyway, it has been half a year since i last went to brewerkz.. but this time round, i did not drink... i realised that i don't exactly have great affinity for beer, even if it is erdinger.. i don't exactly mind the initial and the intermediate taste of beer but i really dislike the aftertaste... shall stick to cocktails if anything... but i had nachos!! the cheese and tomato sauce were good but it wasn't sufficient!!! a whole chunk of my nachos had nothing on it... goodness!! so plain and normal.. and yes, i got home at 1am.. it's been a long time since i got back home so late.. naughty girl!!!

anyways, it was a great time of catching up and talking rubbish all over again.. miss these folks, especially since i'm flying off soon and gonna be back even before they fly over for the summer semester.. no wonders why they are trying so hard to convince me to extend my sep duration.. and yes, where is the money gonna come from??

watching 'the legend of bagger vance' and blogging at the same time.. the movie is still going on but this is what i learnt about 'how drunk is drunk' at the beginning of the movie..

"firstly, all the unhappy and sad cells are killed so you start getting really happy.. and then, all the quiet cells are killed so you start getting really crazy and start talking so loudly.. and the final ones to go are the memory cells and they are the hardest ones to get rid of.."

goodness knows how true the statement is but am suffering a terrible calf muscle cramp now.. believed that it's due to insufficient stretching earlier this afternoon.. but oh wells, shall go continue watching my movie and pray that the battery of this notebook actually lasts..

splattered all over..

feeling really tired from work but still not asleep.. stupid move but who cares?? my logic is as long as i don't collapse during working hours.. no biggies.. but yet i can feel my head swamping up soon...

desktop died again.. using dad's notebook till i get mine.. spending future money again.. no idea how to compensate all the credits since debits are almost close to zero.. oh sheesh, too much rap 7.. i'm even talking like one of it now...

been having really terrible moods lately.. and some folks may have had much crap from me.. so sorry folks.. lately been a roller coaster, just that the ride is still at the bottom of the loop.. literally no momentum is swinging me back up the loop.. but what the heck.. to certain extent, work helps me to escape from it all.. even hiding behind the bush doesn't work anymore.. seems like the bush is too small to contain my size.. but guess i'm controlling myself a little better.. if i had told anyone about anything a few days back, i am seriously convinced that i'll end up crying..

terrible post with parts of my brain splattered all over it.. picturing the to-do list at work.. waiting to administer the ticks to the check-list..

ich bin KO!!!

haven't felt so tired for such a long time to come.. i'm beginning to suspect that i'm actually running on energy reserve now.. did the most unlikely thing that i will do for a long time to come: fall asleep on the couch while watching television in the afternoon!!! oh wells.. and the sun went into hiding after 12nn.. it was so depressing coz the rain came back.. and thus so, my msn nick stays as, ain't no sunshine...

spent the entire morning and early afternoon in church... preparing for seeker's service.. and it really freaked the heck out of us when we heard a loud crack in qihui's ankle.. sheesh!! but thanks be to God, all is well and it's just a friction between knuckles, however care should still be taken..

procrastinate and procrastinated, i did not go to work in the end.. felt so stoned out after leaving church.. man!! and i realised how interesting the television looked actually.. by the way, desktop died again so here i am on my dad's notebook... i want my own too!!! banking on the guys to get all the application forms for me during matric fair.. sheesh!! matriculation was exactly 2 years ago!!!!

just realised that school is starting soon coz everyone is making noise over the CORS system, what modules to take and so on... and i just remembered that ntu is starting school this coming monday.. sheesh!!! hmm and then it will be nus, then smu.. crap, how to meet up with people at this rate?? by the way, saw mingui at ginza this afternoon then i suddenly realised that i've not seen him for like goodness knows how long.. and i met weiliang too at clementi central and that boy's hair has turned black!! thanks to the wonders of saf.. saw some other people too.. people from a not too long ago part of my life.. hesitated about striking a conversation with them, which i didn't eventually.. hmm, shall hide behind the bush for the period of time till further notice..

anyway, xiaojun's home.. yiting will be home in 3 weeks' time.. on a sidenote, can't wait to see meiyan and all during rag again... gonna make sure that i clear work so need not go back on 6th august.. and if lucky enough, jootz may be dancing for science rag!! woohoo!! and if i'm crazy enough, may crash lectures one fine day...

here's my new addition!! it was an impulsive purchase but i have a huge affinity for it!!! man, i was so closed to buying the duck if adeline had not 'violently' objected to it.. anyway, it's purple-blue-white in colour.. but i bought it more for the purple though!!! but due to the lousy lighting, it looked more like blue.. humph!!! and to tie in with today's weather, i shall name it, SUNSHINE... i know that it's really bimbotic and out of point but i bought it to spoil myself too...

went back down to school to get some stuff clarified up.. realised how impulsive i am man!! how dynamic i am as well.. not that it's a good or bad thing but just how crazy i am to just jump right into things, especially at the spur of the moment.. hmm, not sure if i'm making sense here.. the best part of today's visit was that chem eng dept sent me on a road trip to iro, by telling me that it has moved to the new university hall block, while it's actually still located in the old block!!! great!!! wasted some time travelling back to the old uni hall.. sheesh!!! but then, so happened to see the new rag comm 'practising' the laying out of canvas on the track.. it's like so long ago when we did that.. sheesh!!! to think that the exact same thing will be happening again in a few weeks time..

anyway, talking to the right people always get things done.. slow it may be but better than nothing done.. speaking of which, have to try and get used to the speed and the way the germans get things done.. some friends are still hopping mad over waiting.. but chills man!! try kampong and everything else is relative.. but of course, not all things can afford the wait as well.. sheesh!! contradicting myself.. *faints*

great day though.. felt really irresponsible and reckless to just throw everything aside and run off.. but then again, my brain still somehow can't leave work behind.. suddenly enjoy the feeling of just stoning and just slacking... insufficient rest to make me feel recharged but sufficient to last me through at least some time to come..

school is starting soon.. my going-out company will definitely decrease greatly coz all the guys are starting uni and the girls will be resuming school too.. humph!! gonna miss my class, LT5, E5-03-21, arts faculty, macs.. both breakfast, lunch and dinner.. central library, engin bridge, crazy enough but both engin canteen and dept office.. think i shall take time off some other time and go visit my class again!! hmm.. pending..

point of no return..

was thinking of how to title my post and so here it is.. quoting and unquoting my friend's comment.. sounds like phantom of the opera as well.. but there's no underground hideway, no river, no mist, no boat and no music...

well, perhaps more true than not, as of today, i've crossed the point of no return.. i've just been made 1610 bucks poorer but of course, spending future money but where's the money coming from?? i have absolutely no idea except that i did not rob, steal or plunder...

wrote my fair shares of emails for the past few nights and got some replies.. mixed emotions with respect to the replies that i've gotten.. not sure on what to do about them.. just that it brought me back to the point, whether if i should still cling on to whatever hope that is still out there... in many ways, it's as good as trying to capture the wind and keep it in a bag... part of what i've been hoping for to happen has kind of taken place.. well, i should be contented but yet, i'm still clinging on, hoping that something else will occur, especially to my favour.. oh Lord, teach me to be contented or do i not even want to be?

on a lighter note, i ruled the office with angeline in the evening.. gonna miss her when she leaves next friday.. all those hours spent in front of the computer editing and tallying figures and all the take-out sessions from arcade/ caltex house/ 24-hour/ philip street.. and definitely all those times of almost killing each other..

hmm, and i caught a familiar ring tone this morning on my way to work.. the same ring tone which i thought was a transmission back from the forest over the walkie-talkie.. sheesh!! and guess what, an email came in from abang franky this evening!!! oh man!!! so great to hear from him... both he and abang taku will be flying in to nias in a few days time.. man, i miss them loads too.. but ibu saya and abang devin will be flying into singapore in a few days time too!! woohoo!! all that's missing is uncle bernard, who is enjoying himself in LA now... *laughs*...

oh, kelvin called this afternoon and i promised to go back and help with score tabulation on rag day.. hmm.. oh gosh, what have i gotten myself into again!! well, at least, there's the seat near the vip area.. *crossing my fingers*.. i miss rag but guess it's more of the company that i miss..

oh oh!!! here's more about seeker's service.. we're gonna have heart-shaped cookies!!! aunty ammie and company are gonna be involved in the baking but sigh, i can't bake for peanuts.. don't want the kitchen/ pantry to end up in smoke... and we are gonna have fudge express too!!! cool isn't it!!!??? it's like a befriender's cafe... but it's gonna be so cool coz it's over desserts and coffee over any topic.. hmm, shall pop by the dry-run this sunday!!! so excited for the next seeker's service: HOPELESS ROMANTICS!!!

this photo was taken approximately 2 weeks ago from the balcony.. one of the few days when i'm home early!!! woohoo!! feeling a little déjà vu whenever i see this photo... kinds of remind me of that which i saw approximately a year ago, except that it was in another land... well, gonna embark and proceed to that land in less than 3 months but.. hmm..

spent the whole of today zooming from place to place.. from chinatown to bukit timah to orchard then home.. went down with eufo to settle our air tickets.. loads of complications and trouble.. sheesh!! suddenly sep looked like such a turn-off.. but the visit to marks and spenser totally brightened up my day!! oh man, had a shopping spree with florence at the branch down at wheelock place.. helped her to shop for this $80-hamper for some quiz in her school.. goodness!!! i want to be her students too!!! man, think about this: getting marks and spenser's foodies as a prize!!! sheesh!!! I WANT THAT TOO!!! how come we didn't get that sort of thing back in school days????

oh yah, the new harry potter book has just been released this morning at 7.01am.. and borders was having 30% off all paperbacks.. but the catch was that a harry potter book has to be first purchased!! sheesh!! made me happy for that split second!! duh!!! walked around staring at lonely planets but there was no books on germany.. then the paperchase section and i say, i'm gonna go buy more of them from uk.. then florence's favourite section: cooking!! man, i still am more likely to burn the whole house down..

dinner was at swensen's and there was this oldies cd playing in the restaurant.. man, i love the songs!! sheesh, sudden crave for these songs but i'm contented with what i have on my playlist.. =)

12/07/2005

for once, i need not wake up at the unearthly hour of 730am although some of my friends have to wake up much earlier.. slept till 830 before dragging myself off the bed.. had so much 'fun' searching for the german embassy this morning, only to realise that it's opposite where i'm working at.. wendy was like, DIAO!!! but nothing was settled coz i didn't have anything with me to begin with.. and as usual, the germans are well-known for functioning only for few hours and thus office hours are from 9am till 12nn.. so exciting!! imagine the amazing race!!

met yunling for dinner this evening.. so much rubbish and stories to talk and tell about and much shopping to be done but just that both of us are running low on cash.. man, miss her much and had so much fun catching up with her today.. and realised that both of us are mango freaks.. *laughs*.. she showed me her photography works too, which are for her school assignment.. cool!!! keep it up.. hopefully will get to meet up with her before i fly off again..

in need of a sabbath..

never felt so strongly that i really need a sabbath till the week that has just gone by.. finally appreciate what it means to take a sabbath and what sabbath truly is.. man, i really miss the times when we took sabbaths, literally everyday.. sheesh, i miss those days..

spent the afternoon with the crowd at the great singapore sale.. mango and zara literally had clean-out stores, especially zara.. personally, i have a greater affinity for zara than mango but i own more stuff from mango than zara coz of the great difference in prices.. picked up a jacket from mango, which is gonna accompany me through fall.. and actually the only stuff which i really love from my shopping trip today, though it's unfortunately pink again.. other stuffs were either out of stock or had inconvenient washing instructions.. oh wells..

in many ways, need a break desperately.. i need the sun, the sand and the sea, minus all the tankers and oil containers stationed at pulau bukom.. and my sanity as well..

suddenly, i want to fly away again..

a bout of déjà vu

haven't been back to nus for a little more than 2 months.. dropped by yesterday to go spy on the pageant dance rehearsal but actually more to drop by eusoff hall to check on the union camp people.. but guess what?? i called a tat too late and salt told me that they were leaving for dinner already.. i miss meiyan, salt, huiying, kelvin tang, faith, luyee and all those rag people.. oh man, to my rag comm people, you won't believe who i saw on the bus today.. i met one of our 4 heavenly kings but specifically, the one from kent ridge.. and he's still helping out with rag back in hall!! oh sheesh.. to think that rag is now an affair dated a year ago..

on my way home this evening, had the privilege of the window seat on the bus and had the wonders of the evening sun shining down on me... accompanied by chayanne's yo te amo.. it totally brought back the exact feelings dated a year ago as well.. in many ways, i'm looking forward to experiencing it all over again and fly away.. yet i feel as though my wings have been clipped.. the sun on one's back, the wind in one's face.. perhaps even running down the streets late in the night, with cold air rushing into one's lungs..

went for renaissance at sji this evening.. as usual, without fail, any school event will end with the school song.. and then, there will be school cheers and whatever else.. reminded me of the days back in ac.. orientation, sports' season, june camp and so on.. can still remember how alvin and leonard actually banned me from teaching cheers during orientation coz i have already lost my voice but how could you do that to a councillor?? it felt so familiar, yet so foreign when i heard the sji boys cheering.. can't remember the cheers anymore, but if you leave me with everyone else on the rugby field at police academy, perhaps everything will come back..

if there's anything i realised about myself.. i learnt that i cling on to memories really tightly, whether they are beautiful or ugly.. so much for professing about moving on and telling others to not let the past kill them..

irony of the day: i have loads of rough paper with me.. at work, they are the misprinted copies of portia and journals.. at home, they are the misprinted copies of readings, lab reports and even pdc assignments.. sheesh!!! can't remember which faculty i'm from any more..

gempa..

Magnitude 6.7 - NIAS REGION, INDONESIA
2005 July 5 08:52:04 (nias time)

what a subject to blog about, pretty much a taboo for me still.. feeling quite spaced out now, don't ask me why coz i can't explain it too... so much for getting used to it, guess i really did not get used to it at all... even back home in the land of comfort, every jottling of my table will sent me on any alert to get ready to run out of the building.. this will definitely work better than having a fire evacuation drill..