looking back at 2004

can't believe the year just flew past like that.. come to think about it, it's been 10 years since my parents first drove up to different parts of malaysia... KL, penang, pangkor island, melaka... from the time when i can still fit comfortably in the backseat till now being a little too big... and this time round, i did what i do best again.. eat, sleep, shop.. oh man, i really love the food, i can eat it all day round, esp. from that coffee shop near the hotel... and yes, i discovered that the secret receipe cakes at jalan bintang taste so much better than those in singapore!!! oh man!!! had kiwi paradise and mango delight!!! oh man!!! schmeckt gut!! my parents were pretty surprised that i could eat so much!!! and i really mean a lot...

anyway, that's not the point of this post.. it's time to sit down and start thinking about this year.. how it has been and all... the highs and lows..

- happy moments...
1. went to Deutschland and back.. loves the place and still love the place.. love the people, the food, the landscape.. the feeling of running through the streets at 1130pm though it's cold.. the feeling of walking alone along the streets at night or in the park, with the sun shinning on your back.. guess it's just the feeling of leaving everything behind and running free...
2. lost some friends but made new ones as well...
3. shopping.. watched all the movies i can during the holidays..
4. hanging out with my girlfriends... catching up with the guys, making sure that they are still alive and kicking..
5. my cell people kinda opened up more, which is really good.. coz we grew up with each other, yet we don't exactly know much about each other..
6. learnt more about some people, though we practically seen each other through childhood and teenage blues.. and supporting each other..
7. rag comm, esp all the memories, sweat and friendships.. and definitely: the non-stop laughter!!! fic was cool... got the chance to do orientation again, but not as a freshman... nothing beats being a freshman... when you get all the fun, sun, sand and sea..
8. decorations.. jawohl!!! sally's wedding and the christmas party too!! sehr spannend!!!
9. cap made a little improvement though it's supposedly to be still quite in the pits..
10. sep planning..
11. talked more with some of my cn6 classmates, esp the scholars, though half the time, i was bugging them with questions on like 'why like this and not like that??' and 'you mean like that can be done??'.. yeah.. but i learnt a little about them.. that they are human after all.. and not as high and mighty as we think they are.. anxieties and all.. just wanna thank God for the opportunity to be able to do so...
12. seeing the kids running around, making so much noise.. and me, an old folk, trying to match up to their level of energy...

- not-so-happy moments..
1. got my first big zero in a test, which eventually affected my grades.. turned my life topsy tursy then.. but He was and still is my Lord my God.. that was the message that kept coming to me during that period..
2. it took me a year to realise what He was trying to tell me though it was so obvious.. but me, being that stubborn, refused to hear and see what He has for me and chose to do things my own way.. took quite a bit before i finally realised the need to surrender and let go.. think in the new year to come, this will still be a struggle of mine.. and think i'll still choose to take the hard way but i'm gonna try and learn to let Him take over instead..
3. was thinking about the ministries that i'm serving in.. and i'm wondering how much am i doing.. am i blessing others or am i sapping out of others instead?? i really need an answer on this and i'm really confused... sometimes, i feel like i'm being blessed more than i am blessing others.. but that's not how it should be.. or is it??
4. learnt that i'm not so patient after all...
5. the coming of age.. less than a year to the big 21..
6. learnt that when some doors are closed, they should remain closed.. attempts should not be made to open them again.. coz they kinda opened the floodgates of memories as well and bring along a jumble of emotions in the process..
7. my walk with Him is still not good... and worse of all, i'm still procrastinating.. i really want a closer walk with Him..
8. more than often not, i focus on the downside rather than the upside, even though there is obviously more ups than downs.. but i'm just do overwhelmed by the downs, that i'm blinded to everything else..

and definitely more.. but i just can't remember them.. sometimes, no matter how crap everything has been, there's always stuff to thank Him for.. and in the end, He has still bless me in many ways, whether i see them or not...

"count your blessings, name them one by one, and you’ll realized what the Lord has done... count your blessings, name them one by one, and you’ll be surprised with what the Lord has done..."

the dash

i read of a reverend who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
he referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.

he noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears.
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

for that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth.
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

for it matters not, how much we own;
the cars...the house...the cash.
what matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

so think about this long and hard.
are there things you'd like to change?
for you never know how much time is left.
you could be at dash mid-range.

if we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

and be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.

if we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.
so when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?

christmas this year..

1. the birth of my Saviour...
something that we all tend to forget.. forgetting that this is the true meaning of christmas.. but it's this gift that brought me where i am today...

2. ay 2004/2005 semester 1 results..
it didn't help that the results were released on christmas day at 3pm.. slapped right in the middle of the day... right!!! well, inside my small world, i thought that i did pretty okay but outside my small world, my grades are pale in comparison... but i'm really thankful for whatever i've gotten... i mean, look at me during the semester and the exam period.. some of the grades were really like, 'look what you've done.. so this is what you deserve man'.. knowing me, i'll never be satisfied no matter what.. but i'm really thankful.. this would never be possible if He wasn't in the midst of it all...

3. sep application..
yusen said that christmas came early for me this year.. maybe it did.. but thanks be to God for the whole journey.. it has been topsy-turvy but it really made me realised that my own effort has to be put in too, and not just rely on others to get stuff done.. and more importantly, committing to Him and let Him present His plan.. on the bus home that day, i was telling Him, it is tough but if that's what You have planned for me, let it be then.. grant me the strength and grace to go through it all.. then again, He has His plans which i do not know.. all i know that He will provide me with the grace and He has the best in mind..

let's just say, that's the 3 main issues for me this christmas... anyway, it's boxing day today.. yeah, but don't go around boxing people up.. be it in a box or into any other shapes... okay, bad joke... but somehow, i met so many people from primary school today.. it started with my principal, miss dorothy ho.. yeah, i was pretty tempted to greet her.. but then again, shall keep quiet one corner... and then, there's my primary 5/6 classmate, who disappeared to international school in sec. 3: ryan tan.. jawohl, he still looks the same.. guess, we all never changed much.. he's now at nottingham doing business.. cool, he's this only singaporean in his course.. right!!! and he was going on about.. erm, i shall hold my peace here..

saw luke this afternoon after such a long time.. and zhonghan too!!! oh my goodness, they kinda grew during this period again... sheesh, the power of puberty and growth spurts.. i feel old suddenly.. yeah, and i met up with nitya.. she's back from nottingham too!!! for christmas holidays but will be flying back this weekend coz school starts early this semester.. cool, spent a great time catching up at scotts pastamania... got ambushed by this guy who claimed that he has done eyebrows trimming for really famous people before and wanted us to allow him to trim ours... enjoying the christmas lights one last time at both takashimaya and tangs, before the management removes everything... oh, we both agreed that sometimes, it's better to have mono-colour decorations.. just like takashimaya's.. this year is white and last year was red.. wonder what will be next year's?? and we saw some performance of a guy jumping through rings of fire... walked through kino and borders, looking at pretty paperchase items, pretty calendars and 2005 organisers, which we deemed too pretty to be used... oh yes, hugo boss at takashimaya has 'merry christmas' written in german!! so exciting!!!

oh yes, i'm really bad with gifts and all.. so i rather write to people.. but i'm so sorry that i've not write to.. will try and attempt to succeed to write them by the next sunday!! to all my friends, especially those who are gonna turn 21 next year, if you really want a gift, as long as it's not a car or a house or anything too extravagent, you are welcomed to tell me what you want.. seriously!!!! oh yah, i just saw on the news about the presence of tsunamis in the indo-india region.. kinda reminds me of miss wong again... all her crazy tactics and all.. oh wells, some memories which will never be the same again though...

thanks to the great help of my wasserfrau, this is the product of my blog.. but there's really nothing i can do about the fonts... it's part of the template.. anyway, nic said that my blog looks super happy.. hmm, what can i say?? i really love butterflies.. and the templates which i really liked were either black or white.. yeah, there are just some things which one prefers to forget or to put aside and move on, but somehow, circumstances do not allow that to happen or the person just walked right back into the other's life... sigh..

been pretty klutzy for the past few days.. been dropping those powdery and cakey stuff.. like, my blusher when applying make-up last week and just now, the tailor's chalk in my sewing kit.. yeah, the floor looks pink coz of the powder... sheesh!!! oh, i just saw a really pretty white moth fluttering in my room, but i have no idea where it is now...

true meaning of christmas..

with the frenzy of life and all the tv ads and everything, the true meaning of christmas is more than often, forgotten.. i have to admit, even i forget it some times and get into the mad rush with the rest of the world... here's something i received this christmas:

as you well know, we are getting closer to my birthday. every year there is a celebration in my honour and i think that this year this celebration will be repeated. during this time, there are many people sjopping for gifts, there are many radio announcements, tv commercials, and in every part of the world everyone is talking that my birthday is getting closer and closer.

it is really very nice to know, that at least once a year, some people think of me. as you know, the celebration of my birthday began many years ago. at first people seemed to understand and be thankful of all that i did for them, but in these times, no one seems to know the reason for the celebration.family and friends get together and have a lot of fun, but they don't know the meaning of the celebration.

i remember that last year there was a great feast in my honour. the dinner table was full of delicious foods, pastries, fruits, assorted nuts and chocolates. the decorations were exquisite and there were many, many beautifully wrapped gifts. but, do you want to know something? i wasn't invited. i was the guest of honour and they didn't remember to send me an invitation. the party was for me, but when the great day came, i was left outside, they closed the door in my face... and i wanted to be with them and share their table.

in truth, that didn't surprised me because in the last few years, all closed their doors to me. since i wasn't invited, i decided to enter the party without making much noise. i went in and stood in a corner. they were all drinking; there were some who were drunk and telling jokes and laughing at everything. they were have a grand time. to top it all, this big fat man all dressed in red wearing a long white beard entered the room yelling ho-ho-ho! he seemed drunk. he sat on the sofa and all the children ran to him, saying: "santa claus, santa claus".. as if the party was in his honour.

at 12 midnight all the people began to hug each other.. i extended my arms waiting for someone to hug me and... do you know... no one hugged me. suddenly they all began to share gifts. they opened them one by one with great expectation. when all had been opened, i looked to see if, maybe, there was one for me. how would you feel if on your birthday, everyone shared gifts and you did not get one? i then understood that i was unwanted at that party and left quietly.

every year it gets worse. people only remember to eat and drink, the gifts, the parties and nobody remembers me. i would like this chirstmas to be such that you allow me to enter into your life. i would like that you recognise the fact that almost 2000 years ago, i came to this world to give my life for you, on the cross, to save you. today, i only want that you believe this with all your heart...
---------------------------------------------------------

here's wishing you all a great CHRISTMAS... even as you celebrate this joyous occasion and soak in the yuletide mood, take time and remember the true meaning of christmas... frohe weihnachten!!

acjc class of 2002 reunion @ hard rock cafe

yeah.. another ac gathering.. joshua is gonna go on and on about how crazy i am about that school.. right, but i ain't gonna care about that coz it's the company that mattered most... yeah.. finally seen people that have disappeared and gone mia for a really long time.. seen the guys with their hair grown back and going on and on about their ord dates... seen the girls back from wherever they went, now back for christmas or vacation...

well, whatever it is, i must say that it's the company that was worth everything... yeah, even seeing 2sc4 again was great... yuping's skirt is so pretty, then again, she got that from down under.. there's eugene and me, both stuck in engin and kicking up a big fuss.. well, at least me.. haha, oh, bingquan's gonna join us in that fac too!!! libin's back from down under.. as usual, what a babe she was and still is.. sharon's forever blinking in photos!!! vincent looked funky with that new hairdo.. patrick's going to smu... and the most embarrassing thing, i forgot zhijie's name.. all i could remember was how we addressed him in class but his name, i just can't remember... this is so embarrassing.. maxie is still that style.. waiyong, lisa and bel who was busy the entire night.. oh man, it was so great to see everyone again.. though not the complete class but it was still great...

and of course, the usual suspects of my usual gang... yeah, edmund who went missing and finally appeared.. saw andrew again, who went crazy during bingo.. yeah, but we are still missing people... people who are overseas or stuck in camp.. hicks.. but it was great seeing everyone again.. and now, they are gonna ditched me and go enjoy themselves on new year's eve and all... hicks!!

yupz, a time of catching up though my table literally had to shout above the noise to be heard.. yeah coz we'll seated right in front, next to the band playing on stage... but what have i to complain about if it's good music!!! that i don't exactly mind.. if it's bad music, oh please, just spare me..

another end to yet another year... just thinking how faithful He is to see us through and bring us all together once again.. well, there's always acjc and acs international for us to help out at the beginning of next year... but guess it will always be different from when we were still students of the school..

technische universität hamburg-harburg

"Your appeal for Hamburg (TUHH) is successful.
Kindly proceed to faciliate the other required documents to complete your SEP application."

those of you who knew what happened last weekend, it wasn't like this... you know what, i was literally crying.. for help, for grace, for anything... i really wanted to go to this school.. maybe coz it's the easy way out, but the main reason was because of the electives... it was tough trying to pick up and move on after last thursday to map for karlsruhe.. actually, i am really lost for words now..

the same msg came back to me.. even through noelle's testimony, kelvin's christmas card.. let go, surrender and trust in the Lord... again and again, these words kept coming back throughout the whole year.. but it's just so hard and He has to remind me again and again through all that is happening... then, there was kids' church on sunday about our God being Jehovah Jireh, the provider... one of the object lessons was about how much more the Lord will provide for us than we ask for... another object lesson was about how the Lord provides even for the flowers in the fields... the exact verse that winnie wrote at the beginning of the year...

"do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear... consider how the lilies grow. they do not labour or spin. yet i tell you, not even solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these... Father knows that you need them. but seek His kingdom and these things will be given to you as well."
Luke 12:22,27,30-31

i am still lost for words... sometimes, we just can't thank Him enough for all that He has done.. actually, no matter how much we thank Him, it is still not enough... for all that He has done, is too much and overwhelming..

OCEAN'S TWELVE

i finally caught this movie... the sequel to ocean's eleven... for once, a sequel that is cleverly and beautifully done!!! oh man, i really love the actors.. indeed, they make stealing looked so glamourous and wonderful... once again, i was blown away by this movie coz the plot is just so smart and intelligient... well, it's really not what you would expect it to be... and julia roberts and catherine zeta-jones look just absolutely gorgeous!!! brad pitt and george clooney are just brilliant.. well, these men age like fine wine... schmeckt gut!! not to mention that the soundtrack was actually really entertaining too!! yeah, can't post the picture, so shall just write about it!! *laughs*... go watch the movie!!!

have a different christmas!!! maybe a little too much flash for the photo... oh yes, this has been the event that occupied my entire week... but didn't blog about it yesterday night coz was too tired and had other stuff to settle too... by the way, this is deborah and my master piece!!! TADA!!! hmmm.. starting with the photo frame painting.. i did the minimal since my art is more than cannot-make-it.. to shopping for decor stuff and finally to doing up the decors itself.. *phew*... what a week... tiring for quite a number of us, but it was really fun doing this stuff all over again.. deb was like, it's been a long time since we all did this... the words that you see here gave us an extremely hard time, including a night of maintainence work.. but with the artistic eunice at work, everything worked out brilliantly!!! the stars were beautifully done and well-maintained by suren and lixian!!! so pretty!!!

and what you see here, are stuff which i managed to dug up from 4 years ago.. thanks to the help of emily ang and hoongwei... eunice beautified the banners with the stars.. actually, on friday night, i was so convinced that i was unable to finish cutting the letterings for the theme and sticking them to the coloured papers and throw in the snow spray, the cellophane paper and the tea-lights... there's like so much to do... but thanks be to God, for He was in this the whole time... we all managed to finish everything.. deb, eunice, noelle, tim, jo, adeline, daowen, amelia, josh, colin, sean, wei, an, jimmy, florence, huiran, emily lee & emily ang and a million and one whom i may have forgotten here... but a big thank you!!!

here's some of us... missing a number of people though... one of the few photos that i took during the event... adeline was complaining how she was the only one not in black.. oh yes, you can see a little of the snow spray from here too!! reminds me of the misfit eunice and me had... oh yes, the pretty templates are part of sally's collections... which i accidentally destroyed... i mean the templates which we cut, not the original!!! *phew*... sat with eunice and huiran during dinner.. in the end, eunice and me were trying to entertain ourselves... and the best part was, we were seated in the middle of everything, so the object in our direct vision, was the theme of the whole event... both of us felt quite sad at that point, like, that's how our evening will be.. sigh... *laughs*... chills, trust eunice and me to do stuff to entertain ourselves... =)

i cut my hair!!!

yeah, i did cut my hair but i don't exactly look that different.. i mean, with that boring hairstyle of mine, how different can i look?? but i did make that thick broom thinner and shorter... and great, now it looked even more messy but if i didn't cut it, i will start having split ends.. well, that's according to what the hairdresser said, who kept going on about how dry my hair is and how i should condition it and all.. blah blah blah...

anyway, you know how people always say that, the only reason that will make a girl cut or restyle her hair, it's due to some major event that happened.. and usually it's either the girl has just gotten attached or has just broken up with her other half... if that's what you are thinking, it's nothing of that sorts...

what i really did think about was, how this whole year has been... all that has happened and taken place... as the hairdresser was cutting my hair, i was just thinking of all that changed or have not changed.. be it me or the people around me.. the experiences.. the joys and all.. the silly and stupid things that i did.. somehow as i watched my hair fell to the floor, i was like, let everything that has happened, fall off as well and start the new year on a brand new slab... it was like some sort of relief and release... but get what i mean??

then again, i can't exactly phrase how i felt, so that would explain why you don't understand what i just said... yeah, but i kinda looked a little hideous now.. *laughs*... need to try and manage my hair a little... jawohl!! 16 days to the end of the year...

sun shines after the rain...

well, that's how it was like in the afternoon... it was pouring but after that, the sun was shining after the rain was over... met daniel at my estate though coz he was here with his brother to play lan!!! sheesh, this seems to be the only reason why anyone would want to visit ginza... diao!!!

anyway, cherie came over to my place this morning.. missing szemin though... and we were watching 'goodbye lenin'... it was a really awesome movie, funny too.. and yes, it's german... picked it up during my vcd spree on wednesday evening... oh yes, i bought a french movie too.. but it was really morbid and warped.. oh well, trust the europeans to come up with the weirdest movies... really enjoyed these movies though coz it's different from that of hollywood movies...

it's just really funny how, sometimes the stuff that you think about becomes reality.. yeah, i was just thinking about all the relatives which i've not seen since my cousin got married in may, which was before i left for deutschland... erm, we had a family gathering some time before my exams, but i did not go.. so period, i've not seen people for a really long time... oh yes, i met my cousin, felicia on the bus on the way to town... a wonderful bus ride catching up with her and all... oh, she's one cousin whom i really enjoy the company loads...

anyway, went to town earlier to catch my brother's performance at youth park.. and boy, i was more than traumatised by the lead... have absolutely no idea what the world he was trying to do but his mannerism was.. well, it left me tramautised and more than speechless so go figure...

well, then met my cell group for dinner at marche.. was a pretty wonderful dinner... we had so much fun talking and catching up... bumped into kelly koh and my chem engin friend.. oh man, we ate so much that we felt so bloated... hoongwei was going on about how he can be a rubbish bin... and yes, wei and jo were pitting their chinese skills against each other... eunice was trying to contribute too... it's really funny...

we finally decided to leave at about 845pm... we went walking along orchard road, staring at the christmas lights and decorations... coz deb and me are trying to search for our friend named inspiration, to help us with the decorations for the christmas gathering next saturday... oh yah, we are hatching a plan to get as much as done as possible... hahhaha, to be revealed next time...

erm, my blog is turning from a food blog to a movie blog... anyway, i really think that this movie is great.. not to mention that it featured my favourite actor too!!! nicholas cage.. oh man, who can forget his role in 'face/off'!!! anyway, caught the sneak preview today... i'm blew off by the movie man!!! oh yes, spent a long time at hmv too.. and i just totally splurged on vcds... both german and french!!! gonna start watching movies which i've not watched and rewatch those which i've already watched... oh man!! i'm still so charmed by nicholas cage!!!

okay... so this is a totally-girl movie, but i liked it still and i saw the trailer for yet another wonderful movie... spent the day with my class.. small group but fun enough... from stuffing ourselves with so much food to trying to dig stuff out of each other... to the bus ride back to town and finally for bridget jones.. had a really great time with all of them.. we'll like saying how dim sum has become an annual session for our class!!! gonna miss that if exchange comes into the picture.. *laughs*... to all of you who went today, thanks loads for all the fun!!!

shopping time & my shot at publicity...

hmm.. unfortunately, i woke up late and got to green pastures late.. the 2nd time of the week.. what an embarrassment... even better, i forgot to cut my nails again.. i was so scared that my nails will hurt the kids... but thanks be to God, nothing of that sorts happened!! *phew*.. stayed and watched cartoon with the kids though... they were watching 'tom & jerry'.. reminds me of childhood days.. that was my favourite cartoon too!!! =P

went shopping with my mum today and gave the german film 'the miracle of bern' a miss.. SCHADE!!! i really wanted to watch that show.. but chills, gonna try and convince people to download and burn the movie for me!!! bwahahhahaha, i'm so evil..

and yes, i bought loads of stuff today... paul was going on and on about my dressing but i'm so sorry, i really love what i wear.. i really love stuff at G2000, U2, iora, mango, zara etc... shoot me man!! but i simply love them and i really want to own a suit.. but there's no need for it now.. in the same way, how yiting wants to own this dress we saw in basel when she gets her 1st paycheck, i want to own a good suit too!! oh yes, and i fell in love with a really pretty pink knee-length skirt today... and i bought it!!! yupz, but to see that on me, please pray for a miracle...

had so much fun shopping.. and i learnt about the wonders of credit/ debit cards.. how different cards give you different discounts at different outlets and all... uob is giving really good offers, both in the fashion line and the food line.. and the best part is, both appeal to me!!! unfortunately, i can't get my hands on a citibank card, coz so many outlets are actually in partnership with the bank!!! *faints*...

marks and spensers did not appeal much to me though.. maybe coz most of the stuff ain't on offer... and i must say this, the clothes there are wonderful and pretty!!! oh man, black is the colour man but somehow, i'm buying less of black and more of other colours... which is a good thing, yet not at the same time... coz i really love black!!! oh wells.. and yes, it's a wonder what you can find at og too!!! go discover it yourself!!!

finally had a really good talk with my parents regarding sep... so far, i've mapped modules for one semester, and most likely winter semester, for hamburg... as much as i really want to go to karlsruhe, i think, eventually, i'll just stick to hamburg... and no more uk for me too... gave my parents my stand, my point of view and now, they are even considering the option of 'what if i'm gonna be in hamburg for a year'... and you know what?? that was exactly what i needed.. i needed support.. my parents' support... sep will be equal to nothing without their support.. i know that it's not a total 100% yet but at least, it's skewing a little more to that side... and i really don't know how to say this, but it's really Him at work... really... my entire possible-sep-journey is completely in His hands... and i have to learn to leave it in His hands... all i can do is to ask for grace and for Him to reveal His plans to me.. thank you Lord... so much more to do for sep application, but i'm just taking a step at a time, pushing and stretching whatever boundaries that may possibly be ahead of me...

oh yes, i'm finally done with the powerpoint presentation for our christmas youth gathering... worked on it till late but somehow ain't totally satisfied... feels like something is missing.. and i've yet to fit the song in with the presentation... and have to present it tomorrow morning during service.. hopefully it's good enough.. before i forget, loads of thanks to yingchao & my wasserfrau, especially in helping me find those photos... else i'll still be googling them out tonight!! to those who had to put up with my panicked status, thanks loads too.. and of course, for your feedback.. there's animation in the powerpoint now!!! i felt like some arts lecturer, playing around with the functions of powerpoint!! *faints*...

shall stop procrastinating and start working on the music.. but more importantly, i want to know if it's how He wants it to be like...

hmm... shall let you all know about my secret... they are the LOVEs of my life!!! anyway, this is allison's class at my saturday-kindergarten.. think they are still in nursery class and boy, they are really cute!!! oh man, spent both thursday and this morning with them... helping them to prepare for their annual concert but as usual, i'm always late.. sheesh, so embarrassing!!! though it was only 2 short days, but i really enjoyed myself loads being with them... goodness!!! and yes, kids being kids... they can be angels yet, terror at times... but i still love them!!! *muazk*.. oh oh, see that girl in the middle?? erm, i can't exactly remember her name but she's really adorable!!! really love her loads.. and for goodness knows whatsoever reason, she was happily whacking me on thursday morning!!! but chills... anyone below the legal age of 12, is permitted to bully me...

*laughs*... what a start to the holidays.. caught this movie with cherie and szemin.. really glad that i saved this movie till the end of the exams, at least that gave me something to look forward to and of course, to hang out with the 2 girls!!! afterwhich was an outing to gelare for waffles & ice cream.. not that exciting but the company was brilliant.. and seriously, i felt like a mountain turtle leaving my home to walk along orchard road.. goodness, tangs looked so much better and prettier.. really love the layout of the store now.. throw in the decors, everything looks so wonderful.. well, if you still don't know, i go nuts over good decors.. oh man!! so pretty, gonna try and steal a shot of the decors some time soon... oh, that's my fav character in the corner: edna mode, the superheros' suits' designer!!!

You alone

You are the peace that guards my heart
My help in times of need
You are the hope that leads me on
And brings me to my knees
For there I find You waiting
And there I find release
So with all my heart I worship
And unto You I sing

For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we worship and adore You
Father we long to seek Your face
For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we love You
And we worship You this day

updating my tots...

so this is it... today marks the end of yet another semester... a semester that went passed too fast with too much happening.. actually not that much, rather it's that internal battle with school and many other issues...

i crashed and cracked but i did not burn.. i broke and surrender but there's no need for a white flag... i thought i needed the white flag but realised that i didn't... subtly, He was there to sustain me... He was there to carry me through.. though i reached for Him and could neither feel nor find Him, He was there and is still there... He is ever constant... when i've been unfaithful, He has been...

hmt hit home hard and cold... throw in the many unresolved and uncertain happenings, it totally got to me.. when the person i needed most was not around, He provided me with other friends and my family to sustain me physically, knowing well that i needed physical support..

and yes, i so needed yesterday's sermon.. it was really like the reply that God gave to me... the helplessness felt by king jehoshaphat.. an honest confession to his people that he had no confidence of the imminent war.. looking to the Lord for strength and help.. confessing the weakness of man, yet praising the Lord, giving thanks to Him... the land of judea went to war and the Lord was with them.. indeed, the battle is His.. similarly, even as david faced goliath, he said the exact same words, that the battle is the Lord's... and nope, i can still praise the Lord.. i can still sing!!!

as disastrous ess was, i was like telling myself that i cannot crack.. not anymore coz it's been enough and i have a bigger God taking care of it.. was talking to alfred on sat and we'll like saying, how much we need God in this whole exam, else many things would have fallen apart and we would have fall with them as well...

so that's it... as much as i wished that somehow things will be better and more predictable and within my controls, many a times, He has showed me that it is not... He knows but i don't... all He asks is for me to trust in Him and have that faith... oh, how little faith i have...

spent the rest of the day with xingyi, doreen and chaiyen... jianz could not join us coz of his wednesday's paper.. but chills, gonna try and plan something during the holidays... and once again, orchard road looked so different.. haven't visited it for more than a month... with the christmas lights, the christmas cheers.. more renovations done to the shopping malls... the moving of shops from one unit to another... hmm, everything seems so foreign... late lunch cum dinner at mos burger... the company reminded me of how cn6 first started out... we were an all-girls class... but there was reshuffling done to the class arrangment within the 1st two days of school... but no harm done, i love my class just the same... all those new friendships formed within and outside of class.. and the strengthening of existing bonds...

anyway, we went shopping.. xingyi was not contented with her spenditure though coz she did not manage to get all that she wanted... at esprit, i became the sample for the promoter to doodle the christmas collection of red earth on... had like purple and cream glittery eye shadows on me... pretty nice shade of colour but she applied them real thick... much more than i usually do... *shocking!!!!* we shopped all the way from wisma to heeren to esprit to cineleisure, where we had a 2nd dinner at pastamania... not that good a supper coz our over-food-conversation was about growing fat... xingyi's oven baked pasta had a cold centre so we had to request for them to reheat the pasta... and we were too full to move... finally had to move off to go home... and i was trying to trick xingyi into believing that the bus-stop was further down from youth park.. okay, i'm evil... *laughs*..

realised that when i'm alone.. i tend to swing into 2 states: either i'll think more and talk to God or i'll just go into a state of blankness... i need time off for myself.. i need to think through and work through stuff... since i can't get out of singapore, i have to find some way of taking time off from life.. get what i mean?? meanwhile, have to start working for another upcoming event, which i'm really excited about.. but need the inspiration to come along... =)

the serenity prayer...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

~ Reinhold Niebuhr

the warm feeling of peace..

argh!!! blogspot ate up my right column.. but ain't gonna do anything about it.. as long as the main content is still there... anyway, was so close to meeting paul today.. but he had to work.. managed to catch him from across the road though... we were like 2 idoits waving at each other... nevermind, shall meet up with him after the exams and before school starts for him...

anyway, ss is over and done with.. i just hope that i did fine for it.. i can't exactly describe how i felt after the paper... i was smiling silly to myself... meiyan and faith was like, she's gone mad... but i really felt so relieved... don't exactly think that it's because of how well i've done for the paper, coz everyone else wrote so much... i only managed a 1.5 page per question... really hope that i didn't write out of point though... but the wonders and power of prayer... it really calms and takes away everything else...

anyway, trying to do my particle tech helpsheet.. but it has loads of space in between, which is not exactly a good thing coz as what everyone else would do, we would cramp anything and everything into the 'cheat' sheet.. done only 3 chapters... the heavyweight ones are not done yet.. gonna try and work on it later...

o-levels are almost over... feeling a little relieved yet worried too.. long story on why... ain't gonna launch into it here... and soon, mine will be over too.. but before it is, have to brave the storms of another 4 papers... and all the heavy ones... the engin modules... and for some, have not even seen the light of them... *breathe*..

anyway, rena, meiyan and faith said that i have a warped sense of humour... the engineer-humour... right!!! rena was going on and on about the are-you-dumb website... which is really dumb.. coz i tried the website out of curiosity and it was really silly.. she was going on that only we crazy engineers will go visit such nonsensical websites and find fun in them... *begging to differ*... i don't!!! must be the exam craziness...

steph's back from down under... yahoo!!! but can only meet up with her after the exams are over... listening now to my tom-albrecht cd... though i don't understand a word of it but i really like it a lot... one of the first things that i bought when i got to freiburg!!! *put all the shoes down!!! don't you throw them at me*...

anyway, i don't have a tagboard yet.. so am gonna leave my replies here...

to ruhigeSeele: thanks loads for the encouragement.. hey, though i don't know anything but don't worry so much about friday's paper.. it's over and just leave it to Him to take care of it for you.. coz He will... and you know it too... just keep going on for the next few papers... do your part and leave it the rest to Him!!! cheer up!!! =)

to noey: thanks gal!!! 1 peter 5:7 reminds me of something that charmaine said to me a year ago during the exam period too but i can't remember what.. age is catching up already.. take care yah!!! miss ya loads here...

to [E]imaJ: to the other half of my wasserfrau business... thanks loads babe.. thanks for cheering me up and all.. you go study hard too.. kick some butts at applied chem man!!! don't think i can kick much butts on my side.. but gonna kick whatever i can too!!! after exams man!!!

"'never will i leave you, never will i forsake you.' so we say with confidence, 'the Lord is my helper; i will not be afraid. what can man do to me?'"
Hebrews 13: 5b-6

misfits...

i feel so tired... for the very first time, in a very long time... i feel like crying... and for the very wrong reasons too.. this is dumb, once again, i'm not making much sense here again... for the very first time, especially when i'm supposed to but somehow it's not happening... i'm finally feeling the heat of the exams... and yes, i'm not done studying for my ss which is tested this very friday... will someone come and congratulate me please?? oh yes, throw in a trophy too.. coz i deserve it too!!! right, half a point for effort.. maybe my friend's right, when the exams are just a couple of days away, the stress will come on full-force...

what a day... spent the whole morning and afternoon trying to understand what the world is fugacity about... and yes, i'm still struggling with that irritating fella and his best friend, activity coefficient.. to complicate matters, they brought another friend along, whose name is equilibrium constant and all those extended family relations of his too... not to mention that i've neglected Carnot and his best friend, Rankine...

tried to read something that has been left untouched since sec. 4, and boy, that was a challenge man!!!! geography!!! spannend!!! right... another half a point for effort... so much to study and so little time left... and what a brilliant way of utilising my time, i'm here blogging away... goodness, someone please shoot me in the head!!!

picked this up from meine wasserfrau's blog, ...and remember that you're made BY Him, FROM Him, and FOR Him... i want to feel encourage by it, that through it all, He is seeing me through but somehow i can't... i feel like there's some minor battle breaking out inside, which can't seem to seek peace.. trying to drown it by blasting music from my md.. but after a concentrated span of 20 minutes, i'll pause, look around and get distracted all over again... sheesh.. mind of one confused person man!!!

i must say this.. thanks to you who tried to keep me awake and for telling me those really lame yet intelligient jokes... but my brain's in a state of malfunction so can't answer your questions.. but thanks!!! oh yah, due to the high possibilities of sars breaking out all over again, i can't go hongkong or china for holidays!!! sheesh... sigh!!!

confessions of a mugger-wannabe..

well.. the title said it all.. i'm a mugger-wannabe... can't get there coz i'm just not hardworking enough... minus the already-not-smart factor, it's almost equivalent to nothing left.. what a pity!!! schade!!! big plans to bring up my cap.. somewhat too distant.. learning to make do with what i have and just work on it.. sigh... i still want to become a mugger, then maybe my grades won't be that crap...

anyway, today's deepavali... having public holidays in the midst of the study break is equivalent to no break at all.. kendrick's equation: public holiday = no mugging... i totally agree with that!!! slept the whole day away.. woke up for dinner and watched singapore idol.. right!!! the right programme to watch.. and then some dumb local serial.. see, that's how i wasted my time.. like my 'girlfriend' said, when it's the exams, everything and anything that has nothing to do with studying, suddenly seems really interesting... another statement which i agree with...

oh yes, adeline was really interesting today.. she told me to entertain her.. right, it should be the other way round, coz that's what i tell people... traits that we discovered during rag.. must have picked it up from jerry, seeing him entertain himself... but nope, i'm not going to entertain myself.. that sounds so retarded...

the above paragraph was a deviation... anyway, it's funny how i don't feel any bits of stress at all.. the whole central library is flooded with people... everyone is mugging their guts out.. or just staying home to study till wee hours... people who are normally online, are suddenly gone... i'm weird... i just float all the way... since semester 1.. this is no good man.. and not to mention that i've not complete all my tutorials either.. all the backlogged and all...

sep is not giving me a good time either.. module matching is terrible... been taking advices from april but the problem is that she did not go to deutschland.. she went to uk for exchange instead.. which will be my 2nd choice of location.. coz noelle's there, nitya's there.. can go visit them.. and there's lesser problems involved too... and from there, touring ard europe will be pretty easy too.. but nothing beats deutschland since it is situated in the middle of central europe... and karlsuhe is like the place man!!! next to the border of france and a 2-hour train ride to switzerland... Lord, if you will, please let me get karlsruhe... even though there's so much problems involved...

maybe i should start studying.. someone plant the seed of urgency in me please!!! where is the stress man!!!

the eagle..

this is the gist of pastor nick's sermon last sunday.. talking about my favourite creature of the animal kingdom... most of you would know why too... unfortunately, i missed the bulk of the sermon coz of children's hour, which i think i'm quite bad at... can't believe that i actually came up with some stuff last minute to help the kids remember what was taught... if they still remember though...

anyway, this came really timely.. just when i needed renewal after falling into a pit... thanks to aunty jean for this timely reminder.. anyway, here goes...

1. Eagles only take fresh meat and not dead animals. Similarly, we are never greater than our intake of God's Word (meat). Focus on God... Jesus said the scriptures point to Him.

2. When the storms come, it mounts up and flies instead of hiding like other birds. It challenges the storm. What it does is, it focuses on the sun and flies toward the sun through the storm. When it gets pass the clouds, it lets the sun dries its feathers. When we are in a storm, stay focused on Jesus.

3. There is one bird bigger than the eagle - it's the Candor (or Turkey Buzzard). An Eagle's wingspan is 7.5 feet but the Candor is 10 feet. The Eagle weighs about 10 pounds but the Candor is about 20 pounds. So when the Candor goes after the eagle, it again focuses its eyes on the sun and flies toward it. (The Eagle is the only bird whose eyes can look at the sun but the Candor cannot). At some point, the Candor will give up the chase because it cannot stand looking toward the sun. When the enemy harasses you, run to the Lord, not people.

4. The Eagle is able to renew its strength. When it is worn out, Mrs Eagle may go catch a fresh rabbit for Mr Eagle and plonk it in front of him. He has to make a decision.. to eat what others has caught or to go and renew himself. He chooses to renew his feathers and the worn-out beak and claws by flying for 36 hours to a high point. There it plucks off his own feathers, smashes his own beak and claws and waits 40 days for renewed feathers and claws and beak to grow. That's where you get the verse Isaiah 40:31. Wait is an active waiting in expectancy.

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:31

okay... didn't exactly want to go for it coz i'm having german vocab test tomorrow.. but i did... and it was worth the time... even for just one act.. chromoZone... in the nutshell, it kept me from falling asleep coz i was pretty tired... yup, the lead guitarist actually played for fic this year.. rick smith!!! but he's cool.. and throw in the cool music and company, it totally made everything worthwhile... pity that min can't join us.. but chills, there will be more to come.. oh yes, the opening act actually reminded me of that concert that took place in staufen, but i didn't go for it coz i was at konstanz... just that it brought back familiar feelings... make sense?? and yes, cherie and me are going to occupy one of those seats at one of the restaurants... when we have the money to do so...

the void-deckers..

well, that's what we were... and that's like how we all came together... some from council, some from the days of ogls.. from playing captain's ball before a-levels... and yes, most importantly, studying together in the void-deck.. playing boggle and having those dinners, courtesy of the parents...

really miss all of them.. the last time i saw them was before i flew off to germany in june.. which is a really long time... miss hearing the guys complain their guts out about national service.. and guess what?? in less than 5 months, they will be ord-ing... super interesting man!!! in a way, i thank God for nus.. at least i still get to see szemin and cherie around.. which really helps maintain sanity amongst the frenzy and all..

and so today, we ended up at koksoon's place for home-made pizza, slacking, playstation and finally, mighty ducks... well, it's a really old movie but it's the company man!!! coming together to just do something together and just slack it out... and they had a really good time banging me about germans and all... yes yes... maybe i've really gone crazy with germany!!! and yes, that stupid but interesting bet we made.. *laughs*...

spent some time catching up with people... not all but at least, managed to catch up on the lives of some of them... been a really long, yet fast 6 months... and so much has happened.. but i thank God for this little gathering... gathering around koksoon's small kitchen table, stealing bits of stuff that were supposed to go on the pizza and just taking rubbish... oh yah, edmund got a new car!!! crap, i still can't drive...

but anyway, i miss having them around.. and next year, they will all be in uni.. just that we will all be at different places.. here, there, everywhere... *reminds me of that beatles's song*... oh wells.. till then, but then again, it will be pretty easy to meet up too... okay, see ya all tomorrow!!! =)

okay.. here are some of the guys at work... rhys was cooking for us but unfortunately, he could not join us for the results of the session... oh yah, it's better that i didn't cook else i would have spoiled everything!!! *laughs*

tired... müde...

i can't believe this... for once, i'm blogging from school... why am i in school at this hour?? coz i'm trying to study for my german test tomorrow... and it's really getting to my head... goodness!!! immer viele stress von Deutsch!!! and now, even better, i don't even know what to study anymore... and i know that once i'm home, i won't study for it anymore... so better get it done in school.. but... sigh!!!

and realised of how much i really don't know of things.. there's so much... too much for my system to withstand.. ich hat gesagt, dass das system sehr ungesund ist!!! sehr gefährlich, weil es explodieren wird!!! oh nein, es ist nicht gut!!! es kann nicht passieren... ich weiß nicht nichts mehr!!! ich will frieden... ich suche für ihn... wo ist er??? ich bin müde.. ich möchte eine pause...

okay... ranted enough... better stop ranting, before i start pouring my guts out here... at least not for today.. must at least survive through tomorrow's test and the rest of the week.. so much running through my head.. like i said before, too much for this little brain of mine to comprehend and to deal with... but i will, slowly.. and with His help... else there's no way i can survive through it... i need to talk to Him..

gonna head back to german, else there's no way i can finish it all... hicks.. so much more to do and so little time and energy left.. quoting my good friend, why is nus never-ending???

man and woman..

can't sleep... more or less along that line... or maybe it's just the effect of the internet... i can never sleep after logging offline till a little while later, unless i am really really tired.. anyway, my system is facing a phase of unsteady state.. not a really healthy state to be in though... can literally feel the content threatening to spill out any time... either as part of the underflow or the overflow... sheesh, better do something to curb it man..

just a tot... something that i've wanted to blog for a really long time but never did.. coz somehow the words and the content don't exactly come along..

one of my friend once mentioned on how women are always the evil ones... we are the ones that give the call for a break-up... we are the ones that will go around 'testing water' before making up our minds... well, take it in the literal sense.. and so on... blah blah blah...

well, not that it's not completely false.. it's not exactly right either... women are the ones that cry their hearts out when a break-up occurs... they are the ones that will defend their husbands even when sos comes knocking on the door with a charge of domestic abuse... how they will insist that nothing of this sort is happening, even when it is obvious to the rest of the world...

always remembered this conversation i overheard accidentally at raffles hall many years ago... how this girl was crying in her room, talking on the phone with her boyfriend, pleading with him to not break up with her... and on the other hand, there are guys out there who are awfully sweet and wonderful to their girlfriends... though many say that this sweetness won't last long but have seen enough to refute this statement to a certain extent...

so are women evil?? i still can't find an answer to this question but i know that...
"your beauty should not come from outward adornment... instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight... husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.."
1 Peter 3:3,5,7

reasons vs. motives

i don't exactly know anymore... i don't know what's mine, what's yours... what's his or hers... i don't know why am i doing certain stuff... who am i doing it for and what am i doing it for... i have absolutely no idea.. i feel that the line between reason and motive is blurring.. the line seems to be merging into one... it's just so confusing.. when there's a million and one things running through your head and you have absolutely no idea, when did it start and how did it start... and you just feel so jumbled up inside.. and then, your brain goes into a sudden state of blankness.. how did that happen?? keine ahnung...

hmm.. not making much sense here.. should just rename this blog to 'verbal diarrhoea'.. coz it seems to become my ranting corner for a brain with a capacity too small to hold and handle many stuff, yet there is still so much that came, coming and to come... oh sheesh... time to work hard but.. oh crap, i should just give up...

sep...

okay, let's see.. i'm more or less done with my geography project.. managed to crap up something and i really hope that it's correct though coz i did not s/u my module.. so i really need to do well for every single assignment and what-have-you... geography lab in the afternoon was pretty fun.. well, almost.. tracing, colouring and drawing maps.. goodness, that reminds me of all the good old days back in primary school and kindergarten, where we think it's so fun to connect-the-dots and do colouring... but trust me, today's one was enough to kill my eyes...

time frame: 2005/2006
destination: deutschland
duration of stay: ???

oh wells, attended the dept sep talk on tuesday... let's just say, i got whacked on my head again.. it's so near, yet so far... every single thing that i want out of sep.. it's there, yet at the same time, it's not.. yeah, karlsruhe is not amongst the choices for the german universities but wang chi-hwa said that he will help us ask around and see if other depts can free up slots for eufo and me... the 2nd choice would be hamburg-harburg but i'm not that keen on that school coz it's too far up north... *so picky!!!*... and then, there's the mapping of modules too, which is going to be one whole ball of trouble.. sigh!!! and the dateline is during the exam period.. spannend!!! *faints*... and yes, there's the decision to go for a semester or the entire year... well, the most important factor will still be $$$.. i mean, it's going to be really expensive... considering that the exchange rate is already twice of that at home... and everything is going to be auf deutsch, i will need a huge engineering dictionary to translate all the terms.. and of course, there's still all that i'm leaving back home... kelvin was saying, how anything and everything can happen back home within the period of half a year..

so much to consider for a small brain of mine... so much stuff on my plate such that i have no idea on which to start off with first... i can see the plate overflowing already... and there are, definitely, reasons that are holding me back here.. commitments and what-have-you... i need to sort that plate out real soon.. before everything starts falling off the plate...

oh yah, before i forget, one of my birthday wishes was fulfilled... thanks be to God... yupz, go figure what it is.. but no prizes for getting it right..

event management..

everytime when i think that i am about to die out and collapse.. He will bring something else into my sight.. something that would make me really happy and for that moment, just forget all about other issues.. this is how wonderful He is...

let's see, the day started off not too well... coupled with all those falling asleep and i-don't-understand-what's-happening sessions... i thought that today would just be another one of those many days.. but it turned out to be different.. He brought me something that i love doing loads.. well, not as much as my 1st love but good enough... He brought me 'event management'...

something which i've been comtemplating about... it just felt so nice to be able to share my views and throw out ideas and opinions.. i really love publicity stunts... of course i can't do it as well as nic does.. and i do get influenced from what i see of existing publicity materials.. but i'm just surprised at what came out of my head.. considering that i'm in a state of 'KOPF LOS'... despite all the craziness flying around me and i can seriously sense that i'm going crazy any minute, this short little interruption really brought me sufficient joy to keep going.. and of course, i'm so looking forward to the actual event itself...

and the best part is, i'm doing what i really like to do during the event itself!!! DECORS!!!! oh man, goodness knows when did i fall in love with it.. but i just really love it.. and yes, i have the honour of working with deborah on this... and of course, many others too... and sean, as the head!!! *laughs*....

event management... i wonder how long will my passion for it last.. well, maybe i'm just so unsure of everything, that's why He has yet to tell me things that i want to know and show me what's ahead... and what He has planned out for me... i need His guidance... but for now, i'm happy enough...

husbands and wives...

"wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord... husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up to her.. in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself... for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh..."
Ephesians 5:22,25,28,29a,31

God did not ask the wife to love her husband coz love comes from within of the woman... but to submit to her husband, to respect her other half... on the other hand, God tells the husband to love his wife coz it is not easy for a man to love his other half... man needs the respect he wants and sometimes, he controls too much...

the woman needs to be loved.. she receives her gratification by being reassured constantly, in words and actions, that she is loved... God designed the woman to have an ability of awareness to perceive... so that she can perceive her husbands motives, especially when he does not recognise whether they are pure or otherwise...

mamma mia!!! oh man.. i finally watched it and it's really one of the better aussie productions i've watched so far... the dance was good, the singing was good... and it's pretty smart of them to use songs that everyone know... so everyone was singing along too!!! and there were people dancing at the end of the whole show too!!! oh yes, the music conductor was really funny.. with him being part of the act as well.. right.. go figure...

hmm.. haven't exactly enjoyed myself so much till the past 2 days.. maybe this long break was a good thing.. from all the madness in school and all.. and of whatever else that is flying pass me too... oh man, i really love the entire production... it was really much better than saturday night fever, though nothing can beat the dancing in sat. night... but good enough... and yes, it cost me quite a bit to watch this production so it has no reason not to be good.. right... feeling quite happy now... so now, there's no more excuse for me to slack and all.. better go do my german hausaufgabe now...

re: rag comm 04/05

haven't laughed so much and continuously for so long for a really long time.. but today, we did just that.. we laughed so much and so hard, that it hurts so much.. i mean, our sides.. we laughed for an hour straight.. continuously to a point, whereby we don't even remember what we were laughing about... it just felt so good to be together with the rag comm again... we just laughed about anything and everything.. from serving food.. to drinking tea.. to having dessert... to going on-stage to collect our certs... to posing for photos... to our complicated relationships within the comm... everything... all of us have not felt like this for a really long time... we even want to meet up regularly to have these 'laughing' sessions so as to train up our abs and all.. right... *laughs*..

seriously think that our table was the noisest... cheering and clapping so loudly whenever someone from our table was up on-stage... laughing really loudly at all our silly actions and all... and laughing at others too... never exactly thought that a simple 7-course dinner at the nus guild house would be that memorable... well, the company made it though..

josh was going on about how i will definitely do rag again.. but come to think of it, if this bunch of people ain't going to join the comm, don't exactly think that i would too.. the temptation is there.. but the atmosphere will be different.. i know this is dumb but.. i don't exactly know how to explain it.. but get my point?? and almost the whole table of us want to go for yep next year during the semester holidays.. so chances of us doing rag again?? well, doesn't look that good... oh wells.. till the next time we meet again.. most likely to study or for our long overdued pd and rag head treats... viele dank für alle erinnerungen!!!

ranting!!!

just let me rant for the next few moments to come... just realised that i've a pile of work to do... it's not that they are obviously stacked on my table.. but just that, i remember what i have to do and all... and now, my room looks like a war-zone.. stuff are spilling from the table, all the way to the floor... with a few 'mt. everest' at the side of the table.. and papers all over the place... oh yah, the main point is, i've not started on any of my work yet... 2 geog essays and loads of tutorials!!!!crap, i better start somewhere man!!! else i'll never get them done at all!!!

and yes, i really feel like i've aged 20 years or what... haven't felt so tired for a really long time... and today, i really did... dragging myself home after class today was really a challenge... thank God for my parents... my mum came to pick me up after class... else, i am so sure, i would have collapsed while walking home... okay, i'm exaggerating...

okay, just a post to let me rant for the moment.. now that i'm done.. i better get going.. sean is done with his PS essay.. i better start on mine.. somehow... else there will be no way i can throw something out by thursday!!! plus, will be so busy this whole week.. with socialising!!! oh wells... time to go pay Gibbs-Duhem a visit!!!

blessed...

today went passed me like some whirlwind.. with huge winds sweeping passed me, it's already nightfall.. and yes, i am still stuck on my stupid tutorials and not to mention, another stupid geog essay, which is due on friday and another, the following friday.. and yes, the week to come is one heck of buzzing around.. well, not in the academic sense but the social sense..

today was actually a pretty good day, considering that i did what i really love doing.. act stupid and silly.. but boy, i just feel so tired after that.. see, i always have this logic of resting and conserving energy the night before, so i won't feel that tired after the whole event.. but i came home yesterday night, without knowing that it was 1130pm already... so smart right?? and yes, i fell asleep in front of the com... waste of electricity!!!

met huiling in the afternoon to work on our geog essay.. goodness, it's in times like these that i think of miss wong.. all her crazy tactics and weird sense of humour... back then, it was really nerve-wrecking but now, it brings me the laughters.. can still remember how she was complaining about being unable to retire... goodness... and who can forget all her great adventures of chasing earthquakes and tsunamis and what other natural disasters... oh man, as much as i don't want to admit, i miss miss wong!!! and how she used to scold us in class and wanted to treat us to 'pipsi-cola'... sigh!! those were the days...

hmm.. just a tot that came up a few moments ago.. i really wonder, how can someone's attitude towards another change with a snap of the fingers... and it's not as though the other party did something terrible or whatever sorts to the other, but it just happened like that.. *faints*... i wonder what run through the brain of the first person... i mean like, what in the world did the other party do wrong?? and in the process, wreck and lose the friendship... i really don't know what to say, but it's such a great pity.. on how friends come to this stage of being strangers.. oh wells, the complexity of one's brain and emotions... sheesh, i wish i can understand it man!!! then maybe things won't be like this... sehr schade!!! ganz schlimm!!!

hmm, don't want to let issues like these get to me... even though friends mean a lot to me.. but He has blessed me with even more faithful and constant friends than i need.. He has given me friends that have gone through childhood days, teenage blues and now, school days... friends that have been with me through the tough times and the happy times.. from the moment i accidentally sat on her finger to those from the weirdest situations... no matter what, He has blessed me loads.. and has been the constant for me too!!! when i am faithless, He is faithful...

and yes, He has blessed me with the best i could ever ask for... a crowd of more than 30, whom i really love loads and am nuts over... and no matter how tired i am, they always bring up my spirits.. even if i have to act stupid and silly!!! think i better go start on ess... else it will be another session of 'i-don't-know-what's-happening'!!!! sigh... i feel so blessed!!!

hmm.. the state of my brain now.. feels like it's an area of junk inside there... debris and rubbish all should just go right into my head.. except that i'm not part of the national environment agency... =)

childhood dreams vs. parents..

seems like a really long time ago... actually approximately 8 years ago... anyway, on my way home, i saw a mother who was staring at this booklet titled 'choice of secondary schools'... think she was trying to decide which schools to choose for her daughter, who was seated next to her but was looking out of the bus window, oblivious to what her mum was doing...

my lab partner plays volleyball and he's going to represent singapore in some international match in december... he's pretty stressed and tired now, with school, training, hall... and he said this, i'm trying to find a balance between doing what i really like and doing what my parents want me to do...

once was having a discussion with 'prof tan' about how we are living up to the expectations of parents and this was all he said, it's true that you need to answer to your parents but at the end of the day, it is you yourself that you have to answer to..

sometimes parents tell us that, there is a limit to how much they can offer us, and the rest is entirely up to us... but honestly, many of us still live, trying to fulfill the expectations set for us by them... it's really weird, how they always tell us that, at the end of the day, we have to answer to ourselves and have to take care of our futures, yet subconciously, the opinions of our parents still matter a lot.. is it coz they have gone through more than we did?? or is it coz it's safer to stick to the norm, ie. just follow where society is going towards... making decisions out of practicality and nothing out of the extraordinary??

the greatest irony is how we always say, when we become parents, we will not be like how our parents were.. well, admit it, more than half the time, we fall into the trap of following the same parenting style and rules as our own parents.. coz they have 'been there, done that'.. and they definitely know better than us on what to expect and all.. so no matter how much we try to run away from it, there's no way of escaping...

of course, there are also parents who allow their own kids to run their own lives... it has both pros and cons.. and it differs from situation to situation... some parents lose control of their kids... some parents end up having kids that are too independent... some parents have kids who manage to discover and pursue their own dreams...

so what's the conclusion?? as much as we choose to lead a life of independence, we can never skew away from our parents... their opinions will always matter.. practicality and security of the future will eventually influence us into making decisions that tom, dick and harry will make...

oh wells, this is just a verbal diarrhoea of my thoughts on what my lab partner said... not sure if it made any sense... and there's definitely more which i want to say but i shall hold my peace here.. in moments like these, i question my purpose in life.. what's the point of being on earth.. what my goals are... what i want to do with the next 50 years of my life... where will i be then... blah blah blah... maybe it's the 'hitting-20' syndrome... maybe coz i'm too stressed with school now that i'm thinking gibberish... but whatever it is.. i need Him in my life.. i really do... else i really see no purpose in everything... if it won't for His grace, a million and one things could and would have happened and who knows where I would be now... in this long journey ahead, treading a path of the unknown, i need Him to hold my hand and bring me through it all.. i need Him to carry me when i fall, i need Him to walk with me every step of the way... i need Him...

jumble.. jumbled... jump...

schmidt, nusselt and prandtl are messing up my brain now.. i should be spending time with them but i think i need a little break from them.. oh yes, who can forget about their best friend, reynolds too?? he's one heck of a troublesome guy!!!

anyway, had a really busy weekend and a start of the week too... and yes, what a stupid way of starting the day.. well, the story is a little too long to be typed here... oh yes, if there's anything that i must say, it's about my ss lecturer... well, he's a really nice guy but he has the best pronunciation and spelling ever... a little bit worse than my engin lecturers.. for instant, earthquakes are spelt as 'earthquicks'... okay, i shan't be evil anymore.. ss always make me sleep though.. or is it coz i have a really long weekend, that's why i'm so tired??

oh yes, met chiu weng today in the engin canteen... yup, i was having lunch while he was lucky enough to be off from class early... anyway, didn't exactly had a good start this morning but with all the crap that comes out of chiu weng's mouth, well, everything that's bothering me, momentarily vaporised... at least for that moment... rubbish ranging from how i should be frozen for 3000 years to my plot to get rid of chiu weng... guess we are just out to kill each other... but it's really nice to see him around.. as irritating and whatever else.. it helped for that moment.. and he said some stuff which set me thinking a little but not enough to bother me for too long... once again, maybe for that moment but not for long...

hmm... everyone around me seems to be falling in love, if not already in love.. oh man, this is so sweet.. seeing the guys being so sweet to their girlfriends and vice versa... doing silly stuff for each other... and i mean, really silly stuff... but seriously, just feel so happy for all of them... i mean, it's really wonderful to see them happy and all.. of course, it's not always that smooth-sailing... seen those that are really painful and it really hurts.. it hurts so deep that after a while, everything just feels so numb... well, some believe that time will do the trick but it does not always work... oh well, guess we all just crave for that feeling whereby your heart just skips a beat when you see him or her... maybe kah sum's right.. stb should just title this month as 'romancing singapore'... and yes, who needs sdu when everyone is actually doing just fine... *laughs*...

as you can see, thoughts are just flying all over my head... so i'm just putting down what i'm thinking at this moment... i so want to sleep now.. but schmidt and prandtl are still waiting for me to discuss issues with them... oh well, think i shall go look for them then... bis später...

the key is to... listen...

didn't have cell for a while and i really do miss cell... it's really like something that i'll look forward to and it just feels so good to be there every week... and for once, need not bother about school and all...

today's text was on fellowship.. and the word to summarise the entire text is LISTEN.. spend time to just listen to your close friends... not just on a 'hi-bye' basis... not just about catching up but hearing out what bothered them the most.. what issues are more meaningful to them.. can't exactly put everything down in words here...

then cheepeng had this mini-exercise for all of us... pair up and listen to each other... i paired up with deborah... which was a really good thing coz haven't talked to her for a really long time... and it just felt so good to share it all.. debbie was sharing hers too and just felt so encouraged by her sharing.. really... and i'm especially drawn to her screensaver message: work isn't so tough when i'm overwhelmed by the joy of the Lord! try it!

anyway, here's the misfit of the day: joanne, sean & me were at the bus-stop waiting for bus no. 165.. we were just talking away when suddenly we saw the bus... all jo and me did was to scream, while pointing at the bus... sean was like, run!! and yes, we caught the bus... but we were thinking that the people on the bus, must be thinking we are nuts... well, the thought of what happened is still really funny... *laughs*...

in a nutshell...

hmm... for once, decided to come straight home after classes... been a while since i did that... having dinner at 12mn was almost a norm for more than a week... didn't exactly feel like staying in school today though...

in a nutshell, let's just see what happened to me during this week... for starters, i fell over a coffee table while trying to navigate my way in the dark.. have this huge blue-black on my leg now.. and jianz was going on, on how we should never announce such embarrassing issues to others.. wore skirt to school and boy, it was hideous... that's it, enough of skirts... dropped by raffles hall and bumped into jane.. spent some time catching up with her.. complaining everything from rag to hall to studies... skipped part tech lecture again but decided to go for an hour of it, which was a total waste of time as well... met cherie for lunch, which was really great.. attempted to try and study but failed somehow... too much into the socialising rather than the books...

got back the cet, ess and german papers... as usual, ess was a total disaster but a little surprising.. managed to pass cet and german but was way below the average of the class... which is not exactly a very good thing... was telling eunice, how the Lord has always give and take from me... and how i felt that He would take my german instead, considering that cet was pretty surprising too... i know that He is driving at something and i know exactly what He is driving at and He's making me learn... till the day i can let go of it and learn completely, He will still let it happen and make me learn... somehow, i'm slowly coming to terms with the lifestyle of a chem-engin student.. i know it's a little late, considering that i'm already a year 2 student.. and realised that since i'm placed here by Him, and it's definitely not by chance, why not just do what i can to glorify and honour my Creator... a hard fact to swallow and a tough 4-year course.. but He has always provided me with the grace to go through it and surely He will still coz He is faithful while man is not...

tough week with mixed feelings.. not from me but from the people around me... everyone is burning out coz of stress, school, competition, tests, bell curves and what have you... it's pretty scary to see people burning out, breaking down, doing 'sudden' silly stuffs like watching some really morbid serials.. all i can say is that, they need a break... go slack, though no one would actually do that.. go take a walk by the beach, remind yourself of the goodness of life, how we can still find little joys despite all the frenzy around us... idealistic indeed but it's not that difficult a thing to do, it's just a matter of choice.. how much you are willing to let go and go enjoy yourself for once, without any worries... but with the clear knowledge that after this, you will be refreshed enough to continue on... it won't kill to have a break, rather it's a necessity!!! go and take the break if you must...

meanwhile, still trying to pirate the les choristes soundtrack off the internet but it's not exactly working out.. must be some big hint, telling me to stop downloading... hmm, don't exactly mind a kind soul who will sponsor the cd... *laughs*... and yes, more tests next week... and more tutorials and assignments to be done..

les chorites

click here for the website!!! les choristes... jasline's brillient idea but it was a good one... took a break and caught the movie with jas, kaiwei and dan!!! really good french film with really great music and acting... aber sehr schade... das film ist sehr kurz.. es dauert nur 1.75 stunde... really love this show... and really love the company!!! would really love to buy the soundtrack but it was out-of-stock till next week... oh man, why can't the germans make better movies?? *laughs*

words of wisdom..

i've walked more miles than you.. experienced more in life than you.. been there, done that more than you did.. not everything that you work hard and put in the effort for, will always produce results... sometimes, you will get immediate results.. sometimes, you will get results in the long run.. sometimes, you may not even get anything.. so what are you going to do about it?? the important thing is, no matter what, keep on going.. don't stop here...

got these words from a friend of mine... hmm.. maybe age really does make one wiser... what do you all think about it??